Angry with taxes

Place: Computer

Time: 3:22 PM

I'm very annoyed with taxes. I was paid three hundred sixty dollars and I only received two hundred eighty three dollars. It was frustratingly sad to see that I had lost seventy some odd dollars, it was quite, ridiculous. Also, people don't know how to drive; The parking lot of TD bank is way too small and teenagers think its funny to run across a main road. I don't know why I didn't run them over, oh right, laws. Humph! At least it is my day off from work. The day is going way too fast though, I work way too much. But yes, I always have to think about the scrilla that I'm making. Scrilla! Scrilla! Scrilla!

scrilla= money or dough

Done

Time: 10:52 AM
Place: Couch

I'm done with my english class. Holla sista, I'm so excited. Yes, I finally did something that was worth something. I can say, holla, I finished that class. So many people thought that I wasn't going to be able to do it, but I did. I'm so jazzed because things really are going the right way. I'm not being a waste of space working at a pointless job the rest of my life. I'm on my way torward something pretty mellifluous. So you can all choke on it. This one is finally for me and not your selfish needs.

I got it where I want it right now

Time: 11:43 PM

Place: Kitchen


Say what!!!! I have to go to work soon. I don't really want to but I do, its weird. Hmmm? Think of the scrilla hunny, think of the scrilla. If ya like it than you shoulda put a ring on it! that was the song that was on ewww nasty song now. Hmmm, I guess I should go and get ready. I hate wearing black and a collared shirt I look repulsive. I dont see why I just can't wear nice presntable clothing. Shit!!!!! ok bye

Omg L word soon!!!!

Time: 12:35 PM

Place: Kitchen

Holly Shit! The L Word is going to be coming back on in the next month. Its going to be the last season, it makes me so sad. I remeber when it ended, My friends and I, were all like, oh my god, January is so far away! Now, its a freaking month away. I miss my lezzi's. I wonder how they're going to end it. Nicky fucking cheated on Jenny, with Shane! "You broke my heart." hehe. I think her name was nicky, but no one really cares about her, thats why I don't remember. Bette and Tina are back together and Jodi made that presentation with Bette saying Fuck Me! That, was fucking crazy, and funny! Ahhh, I have gotten myself excited again! Now, I'm going to be really impatient agian. We're going to have to, watch the season over before it comes on!!!!!!!

My own banter

Time: 12:22 PM

Place: Kitchen

Woo Nelly, I have been working full-time and been going to school. It has been quite tiring. When January comes though, I'm going to be working less, thankfully. I don't have a life though, I work, go to school, and sleep. I wake up and do it again. Every once in a while I get a day off, like today. So I try and catch up on all the stuff I didn't feel like doing on the days I had work. So blah, blah, blah. I haven't seen anyone in a long time. I kind of don't mind. I see the people I want to see, like sparkle shirt woman, she's fab. I just have to think of all the scrilla I'm making, its so awesome. Yay, awesome check on Thursday, its going to be a lot, Holla. I'm going to Christmas shop for real this year. So I just have to keep breathing it's for a good reason, son. Everyone is really cool too, so it makes it easier. I don't hate the people I work with, so its good. So craziness, just craziness.

The End of the World?

time: 11:57 AM

Place: Kitchen

A lot of people think in 2012, that the world is going to end. I did some research for it and found some pretty conclusive things.

On the basis of what the Mayans were saying is, its just basically their calendar system. They base it on a number system. The most important numbers are 3, 17, 20, something like that. They just made up a calendar based on how the earth rotates around the sun and the universe. I guess, scientists believe that on December 21 2012, the earth will pass over what is said to be, the center of the universe. Some believe that its a giant black whole. Others think, how could the universe have a center of itself, if its infinite? I believe its the second. That raises a good question, how could it have a center? Also the Mayans were simply making themselves a calendar to live their lives by, so they could know when it would be summer, winter etc. Though, on that date their calendar ends. Who is to say that it just doesn't start over again and it becomes a new era. I guess, one they won't be able to witness.

On another sense, I watched this documentary on how an ancient oracle made a prophecy the same way, in 2012, the world will seize to exist. She was said to live in a cave writing prophecies, without being able to see. If she couldn't see, how could she have written these prophecies? A lot of this shit is based on propaganda. Ones that have been passed down form people to people to ultimately scare you. It's pretty retarded if you really sit and think about it, after you have done some research that is. Maybe not. Maybe you would believe it. Who knows, that's all anything is, who knows, until it happens.

True Blood

Time: 8:04 PM

Place: Kitchen

What a weird show. This show premiere's every Sunday at nine PM, on HBO. It's a good show I would say, but not exactly my cup of tea. I wish it had more intrigue, more drama, but it is a good show. I especially like Tara, the corky, hot tempered, black chick, that always has a funny pun to say. Her cousin Lafayette is the best. He is a gay, he deals drugs, and does whatever he can to make money. He reminds me a lot of Ms. Jay from ANTM. He is just so much more acrid. They're definitely my two favorite people in the show. My mother read all the books that the show is based on and she said that they don't have so much of a part in the novels. They really should have because they're just too funny. The main character in the show is Sooki Stackhouse. She is played by Anna Paquin. Anna really does such a good job as the part, she really does have some talent. Definitely a good show and you should watch it. The season finale is coming on soon ooo its going to be good. It's going to make me really upset because its going to leave you hanging. I hate those.

I don't waste time

Time: 1:09 PM

Place: Couch

This morning my car did one of those fart, poof, things with my muffler. Then it conked out and I was like what the fuck? I restarted the car and everything seemed fine, maybe, it was just cold and it was confused. So I get to school and I was fifteen minutes late for my first class. I walk in and The teacher isn't there. She apparently cancelled class. So I sat around with the other girls that I talk to, discussing. We got into a funny discussion about vagina's. It was a Little graphic, but I have these conversations all the time. The we got into the topic of hot flashes. It was pretty hilarious.

Geo class was the same, we spoke about how there aren't eastern bluebirds anymore, it's apparently our state bird. I had no clue and neither did anyone else in the class. After that, I went to try and get my paper signed for my insurance. I went to the registrar and it had a line out the door. I don't know why, but I was like I'm not waiting on this line. Well it wasn't really out the door because there's enough room for a giant line but that's what it was, a giant line. I was forget that I will go tomorrow when no one has any classes. A lot of people don't like taking any classes on Friday, so lines are so much nicer.

I don't know how that consisted of me not wasting time, but it seemed like a good title.

That's funny

Time: 12:43 PM

Place: Couch

People are such idiots. I hate driving. I wish I could fly. This morning I was driving to school and someone decided to stop in the middle of the road to make a left. There is clearly a left turning lane but no, they didn't want to use it. So knowing me, I had just bought my coffee and I was sipping on it. I looked up and I saw the car sitting there in dead stop. I slammed on my brakes, my coffee went everywhere, it was all over my textbook, and my pants, ouch! Fucking old ladies, they really shouldn't be driving; I almost went into the back of her car. Then the same thing happened when I went down Nassau Road  (if you drive down that road you know which one) .

Class was pointless, as usual. We haven't learned anything, I don't think I have learned one thing. Anyway, blah, I have to go to work, even though, I tried to call out today. I said that I was sick and couldn't make it in. They don't have enough people working there so they didn't have anyone that could cover three o'clock to five o'clock. I'm working three to nine and no one could come in earlier than five to cover, so, I have to go for two hours. I didn't want to go in because I'm in some mad pain and my back is killing me. Painkillers aren't doing anything, so, I wanted to be able to just relax. Blah, grrrr!!! 

Oh my god! The school semester is almost over. Yay, a month to not have school. Yay, holidays!

The Silliness

Time: 11:56 Am

Place: Couch

We should take more time in life to laugh at ourselves. Lets not let ourselves take ourselves too seriously, please. Where is the fun in being a big stick in the mud, essentially. Laugh at yourself, make fun of yourself, or make your self the butt of the joke. Who knows, maybe, the world would be a much funnier, happy, place. Who knows? maybe? We would all just be a bunch of crack heads though laughing at nothing. I'm just trying to stay positive because I have to go to work soon. I'm trying to make myself happy about it. 

In other things, It's getting pretty tumultuous out there. The world is seriously changing. Things are falling apart. People are losing houses, losing jobs, and finding new ways to make a living. The big executives are just getting richer off our tax paying money. They're having their spa days, and going to luxurious hotel locations. We're bailing out their problems, fixing what they did wrong, and they are getting all the perks from it. It's kind of gross. I still haven't seen anything done about it. Why aren't they being held responsible for any of the stock market problems. They're just walking away without anyone slapping them on the wrists, or hanging them from a wall in a jail cell. Some justice needs to be dealt to how much those people suck at being a decent person. 

Hope & Change!

OK

Time: 4:29 PM

Place: Kitchen

Well I have been like, you know, a lot these past few days. I have realized that everyone else's lives are completely pointless. Why do I care about any of these people and why am I getting so upset over it. It's so pointless. Yea, life is boring. Yes, working full-time while going to school "full-time" is a lot, but its better than doing nothing. The drama that ensues when it comes to people who have no lives, is quite tumultuous. They have to dwell on pointless things because they have nothing more important to dwell on. Yea, work is bleak because I have no clothes to wear and they're all really old. They always say "oh your a guy its so much more comfortable for you." That's so retarded because they can wear normal clothes as long as it's presentable. I have to wear black dress pants and a collared shirt. They would prefer if I wore a suit but I was like, hell fucking no. I just need more clothes but I hate looking for clothes. Ah putting away clothes the whole shift is so tedious. Blah Monotonicity.

Long Day

Time: 11:24 AM

Place: Kitchen Table

What a long day yesterday. It was a short shift at work but the amount of people there, was crazy. It was me and two other people working, the store was insane. I was running around like a lunatic, along with putting clothes back that people didn't want. It was truly insane, my feet were killing me. Then I got home and put my feet up. I had a shot of rum left, yes! I threw it down my throat and boy was it relaxing. Not much happened yesterday, just a long day of agonizing foot pain. Blahzzz.

It's queer

Time: 11:25 PM

Place: futon

Its so weird, your happiest when your going to school and working. Its so weird, why do I feel that way. Its kind of baffling. I mean, I love school and that's really new to me. I hated going to school when I was in high school. High school was evil, that's why. I guess, I have some pretty pathetic people to thank for that. I know, I never wanted to be that person that sat around working from day to day. I wanted so much more for myself. I really want to go to Africa and do some work over there. I really want to inspire people. Make people wake up and be like, oh my god, I know what I want to do in life. That's why I really want to be a professor, or teacher. To tell the youth of America that you should stay in school. You should be more than just being a retail manager, or a sales assosciate in a store, day after day. I want to inspire people because there have been teachers that have really inspired me to be more. A great woman I worked with told me: "I would be a great teacher." I enjoy school and that is weird and enlightening. Yay going back to school, yes, fucking awesome.

I'm a loser

time: 7:20 PM

Place: room

Well I'm just an ass. Work is totally fine. Working for eight hours sucks but I won't be working eight hours anymore. It was just to get me assimilated. Six hour shifts are so much better. Wooo. So it's all good. I'm getting paid pretty nice as well so I shouldn't complain. So this is me shutting up. I have it good. I just need to get black pants. I'm not anorexic anymore so all the black pants I have, don't fit. I need better collared shirts as well. A whole lot of new clothes actually. I will probably be losing weight again anyway, so its kind of pointless. I wish, I would just stay the same size so I don't have to buy clothes every three months.  I don't think thats healthy either. Huh? 

Peacezille<3

Sigh!!!

Time: 12:02 PM

Place: Kitchen


Blah, I'm now in a fucking routine again. I work, go to school, work, do homework, work, blah, its never ending. Oh well, that's what ya got to do. Its not bad, I don't hate it yet. I don't hate school at all but I know that working is going to get tedious. It's not exciting enough. Whatever, not everything can be fun. I was told the other day that I should be some one's assistant. Hmmm. Well that could be an option; I'm a crack head enough that I would enjoy running around doing stuff. I think when I get my first paycheck then I will be happier about it. It makes it worth while. Like, yes, awesome, money!!!!!! I mean, I'm getting paid pretty well also so I can't complain. I know its going to be monotonous because its clothing. I put away clothes most of the time.

Blah, never mind, I'm bored. I have to clean my room like whoa! Its a little gross. Its just messy that's all. I need to make a CD of new songs to clean too, so bye.

Class and poor education

Time: 11:27 AM

Place: Kitchen


Well, class this morning was rather weird. I think my teacher is a little upset. Whether it be something about the class or about other personal things, she just seemed irritated. We have to write a two hundred fifty word essay about cause and effect. She wanted to know: "what caused you to do one thing and not another?" I guess, it was more towards the people that didn't do the assignments that she asked for, and wanted a cause and effect for it. So I don't know what my cause and effect will be for class. I guess, it will be just the obvious, I did this therefore this happened from it.

I have to write an essay about the education system from someones article. It's about how we are segregating our own kids. That we are putting certain kids into more all black schools and that they have lower test grade scores. That kids can't move into other schools because their test scores aren't good enough. That predominately white schools have better test grades than the ones that have majority black and Hispanic. One example was that they opened a school named after Martin Luther King Jr, in a dominantly white neighborhood. Even though that school was opened, many of the neighboring parents sent their kids to other better known schools that have better test grade scores. Thus, inevitably, the school then had majority black and Hispanic students. Thus the school received less money from the city for repairs because of low test grades on state exams. Teachers are paid less, thus, they're less likely to take the time to really teach or teach efficiently. It's really crazy. This is happening in a lot of inner city schools. That the teachers aren't receiving as much money and neither is the school. This is leading to less money for funding the equipment, new books, safer playgrounds, and art programs. It's really quite a problem. These kids aren't receiving a good education thus leading to more poverty and lower paying jobs because of poor education. It's all because of the slashing of school funding. I don't get why people don't realize, these are the people that will be ruling our country one day; why don't we give them a better education. Education is precious and it should never be squandered.

Ehhh?!?!

time: 11:01 AM

place: Kitchen

EEEEK! well now, I will be working full time and be going to school as well. It is going to be crazy. the days that i have off from work are going to be nothing but doing my work for class. eeek!! Well it will be alright cause now I'm right and every thing seems great. Haa!!!

I love the Love Shack song!!!! B-52's ya yah!!!! Bring your jukebox money!!!!!

The job is good, shhhh, I'm not aloud to discuss about it so you want more info give me a holla!

I would like to say HA!

Time: 9:14 PM

Place: Kitchen

Well I would like to just say HA! I was right, I'm always right! People tell me that I'm the one that's miserable and that I hate my life. HA! People are just fucking jealous. People are just jealous. People hate what they want. People hate what they can't have. HA! I was right you hate your life and you can't deal with it. Well I'm glad that, I guess, they figured out that they hated their lives. People are so dumb.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

People can't stand that I'm right too. You know, I guess, they just can't handle that someone that is younger than them, knows more. That I have the answer, that I'm right.

Woooo!!!!!!! I'm ranting now.

I just wanted to say HA! That I wasn't wrong. CHOKE ON IT BITCHES!!!!!!

I don't know what to say

time: 5:03 PM

place: Home

I don't know what the hell is going on. So many things have been going on. This past weekend I have had a lot of time to sit and ponder. I know that I enjoy going to school and enjoy learning. I've just recently wondered what is up with my friends.

You know what never mind. People are just whack. Of course, everyone talks about me behind my back; we all talk about each other behind each of our backs. It's funny that people think it would bother me to hear that people have been talking behind my back. When people talk about you behind your back its because there is something that their jealous about. I laugh it off because if I didn't then it would bother me.

I guess people can't hack that I'm doing something positive for myself. Though, they put people or things in front of them so that they can feel better about being depressed. That they're problems that they just don't want to face. That they hate their life, that they wish they did things differently. Ha! You only have yourself to blame and its not anyone else that is making you sad. So, get over it, its you, not anyone else. A boyfriend isn't going to make you happier; different friends aren't going to make you happier; more money isn't going to make your life any happier; Its you, you are the problem. 

That's what is what, so get used to it. 

Woo... I can't wait till my first paycheck. I need to go out with my good friend and have a good time because we both need it. 

Realize the things that you hate about your life or regret about your life and try and fix it. My regret was quitting school and I have fixed that so figure out yours. Wasting two years of my life with the two people that will never get me anywhere really opened my eyes. You know who the two of you are because you know each other well.

Change some are afraid to hope for!

time: 6:03 PM

Place: Couch

I have been hearing some not so auspicious outlooks. People have begun to already question what will happen with our new president. I mean, it's human nature to question things you don't know but people are getting a little ahead of themselves. I think people are getting scared because they don't know what is in the future. We have to try and believe that something is better than what Bush has done to this country. I think that's why people voted for him in the first place because they didn't want another Bush. He has a lot on his shoulders right now and we have to believe that he will better this country. Though, you can't look for instant gratification because we won't see real change until at least two years. It is going to take a lot of work so give him a chance and don't expect everything to happen instantly. Patience is a virtue, many need to learn.

Proposition 8

Time: 10:19am

Place: Couch

I hate people. This will be the first time that government will take rights away. In the constitution it says everyone is created equal, EQUAL. Just another reason why Christians are evil and how the separation between church and state apparently has no pertinence in making decisions, apparently. None of those people care because their Christian and its no skin off their nose. People are plain ignorant. It says equal, the fact that blacks or women, didn't have rights, is just plain disgusting. Its outrageous, Christians have way too much power and it needs to end. Separation between church and state needs to be enforced. Of course, that won't happen because government officials are Christians and its insane. The people have fought and fought for rights. Eventually we will have our rights just like blacks and women. We'll have to keep fighting. We will get it, I'm with ya, gays in California and all over, just keep fighting!!!

Why do we feel we should please others?

time: 1:55pm

place: comp


I have been wondering this question for a while. It seems to loom over every comment I make to someone else. Why? Why do we do this? Is it simply because we like to make life harder for ourselves or do we do it because we love someone that much? Many times I have answered yes to someone, when I knew that I didn't want to do it. When the outcome reveals itself that person is happy, but you feel miserable. I do it time and time again wondering when will I just give up. I have done some pretty pathetic things for people to like me at times. Most of it was never genuine. They loved the results of it though, but you know that it isn't true. Why do we try so hard to make others happy? Why do we sacrifice our own happiness when you know the outcome isn't what your gonna want? I guess it would be simply because you care enough about the other person to give that up. What I'm asking is when would that person ever do that for me? The thing is they never will because you constantly let yourself be used. So time and time again they will ask so much from you and give nothing in return.
I've began to say no or do what I want and people get mad. Yes, Yes, I feel miserable. I don't have friends that do that for me. They don't go out of their way to make me happy. I know the people that would be reading this would think that I'm out of my mind. That I have never done anything to help them or make them happy and that's why I think they're selfish. I used to give so much of my energy over to them to the point where I have nothing left to give anymore. They've taken all my energy, they asked too much of me. So now that I have finally started doing things for myself, I seem selfish. I have always lent an ear, given a shoulder, but never was there a return.(This doesn't count for sparkle shirt woman. Only for you do I give all of me. Because you give all of you in return.)
I remember a time when one of my friends was in a self damaging situation. She was on the corner of a certain town, screaming at someone who had broken her heart. I was the person that couldn't let her destroy herself. I tried to tell her to let it go, not here, you say things you don't mean when your angry. Though much of the effort was pointless I still tried to help her because I cared about her feelings. At that time in my life, I would do anything for those friends, they made me feel like I wasn't worthless. Yes, I did try too hard to make them like me, I didn't want anyone to dislike me. Many of them helped me become who I am and for that I will always love them for. At this point, This point in life they no longer make me feel like I belong. I've grown up and realized that life wasn't just about partying and getting laid. I guess, for that, I look skewed. I guess maybe I never did have friends that cared about me except, a couple.

I given so much of myself... and for that, I'm sorry. I should have never thought that any of you would care about my feelings or if I was OK.

I guess, when you tell me that I will never love then I guess you don't know what it is. I cared way too much about all of you and never did I feel that from you. Ya, the fake "Oh, Mikey, I love you." never was it true. I was always there to help you in anyway, whether it be dumb or not, I was. So when someone tells you that you will never have rights, that marriage is between a man and a wife, then you truly realize, they never really cared about you. I wont settle for someone that only takes from me, if I wanted that I would be friends with a sponge.(Yes, I said it.)

Much LOVE to sparkle shirt woman, you'll always be a great friend.

Making Enemys

Time: 1:24pm

Place: Comp

Friends have really come and gone these past few months. I don't know how to describe it. I have lost them because I could no longer can keep saying lies. I have recently said certain things that some have found, hard to hear. Previously, I would tell someone that they weren't wrong, its OK to fail, right. I can't believe that I let this go on for so long. I myself cannot live with failing. I can't stand to think that I fucked up. Hey, I do fuck up sometimes, everyone does, but I can't be OK with it. Many of my friends have made some "not so great" choices that they have to live with. They regret it, but they won't let you think that. I remember a long time ago when someone said, "she's going to regret dropping out of school, I do." I don't know if it was actually said or if it was my mind saying that they did. Maybe, its because I want to believe that they know they were wrong and they do regret it.

" Pay no mind to those who talk behind your back; It simply means that your two steps ahead." I love that quote. Its from a friend that I used to work with. I think she's feeling the same.
People do talk behind my back, all the time, its always negative too. I won't let it bother me as well because I have this great quote to think about. Maybe, people really do hate me, maybe, its just because they don't want to hear the truth. I will admit, I'm pretty bitchy. It's because I can't stand having dumb friends. They're a lot of reasons why, I am the way I am. If your the middle child between two brothers, then maybe, you could understand.

I recently had a tiff with one of my friends, via text message, pretty pathetic right. Well of course we were fighting over the new president because she's a backwards republican. I just can't fathom, why people think republicans are good people. Christians man, they're the worst kinds of people. Keep your religious views out of our government, it shouldn't have any pertinence there. Yet, since the world is run by fascist, white, Christians, separation of church and state doesn't really exist. We have gays that can't marry because of backward Christians and women dying from inexperienced abortion doctors, because it's immoral to their religion. Your god is not my god, so back the fuck off.

Maybe, that's why people can't handle what I say. They just aren't as amorous as I am about what is going on in the country. They're people that don't want the war to end, unless we come home with honor. You lost that honor when the war started, you never had it to begin with. It's disgusting that people think that, Barack Obama, is a Muslim. "Oh your going to vote for that dot head." That's called ignorant racism, also a moron who has no idea what the Muslim religion is. Hinduism, is where they wear a red jewel on their head, its for enlightenment or great wisdom. I'm not sure but at least I know the difference between the two. People are really scary. It's sad that the racism in the world hasn't gotten any better. Its rather pathetic if you ask me. People are so retarded. I thought that at least my friends wouldn't be as dumb. Once you really get to know someone after a year or so, you really know what their about. As I see it, I have lost four friends already because they were idiots.

I'm sorry, I have to fight anyone that thinks that moving backwards is what is going to help the country. That is just asinine. We need to move forward, FORWARD, not regress to the middle ages. If that means I'm a bitch or an asshole than so be it. I won't let people be dumb, especially my friends. You want to be stupid, be stupid, but don't expect me to think its OK.

Yesterday's Election

time: 12:22pm

Place: Couch

I awoke to the anticipation of the day. I had to drive to school because I had my women studies class. I grabbed my morning coffee, and made the trip there. In class we discussed about abortion, and the horrific amount of mortality rates that come along with it. Apparently in Europe, the mortality rate is the smallest. They have the best contraceptive knowledge and know how. All together, Europe is just a much better place to live.
Anyway, I drove home to get all excited about voting. I waited for my mother to blow dry her hair. My mother, my brother, Courtney, and I went out to cast our ballots. When we parked in the parking lot the car next to us had a pompous sticker, McCain, country first. I screamed, because I thought it was the scariest thing that I had ever seen. As we were walking into the school, a woman in her car pulled into the parking lot screaming vote for McCain. So, knowing me, I preceded to scream what's wrong with you?? Of course my mother was like "Michael, stop it." My mother doesn't like confrontation. We casted our votes and we were out of there in a lickity split.
Later in the night I sat around with my friends watching the votes come in. At first things seemed a little scary, The red states were coming in faster. It was, I believe, twelve o'clockish, when the news came in that, Barack Obama, was our new president. Yay.
Hope & Change

Pre Election

Time: 2:07pm

Place: My room

I can't believe that the election is so close. It is freaking tomorrow. The anticipation is annoying. I just want to hear the results. That Barack Obama is our new president. If I hear that John McCain is the new president I fucking leaving the country. I can't stand republicans they just aren't good people. They're just evil. I seriously hope that Obama is the new president. Well, Oh my god, It's tomorrow so go out and vote. You should vote for the right guy.  So VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

Halloween Parties

Time: 3:16pm

place: Home

Last night, I went to my friends Halloween party. I, at first, was waiting for my friend to come pick me up. I was sitting on the side of my house chain smoking. I was contemplating what was going to happen. I kept thinking, Oh my god, its going to be the fakest thing I have ever been to. Not the party aspect, the aspect of friends. I just figured that everyone was going to be really fake. The fake like, "Oh, How are you? How have you been? You look so good?" That kind of bullshit. At first when we had arrived it was really fake, everyone was like, " Hey how ya been?" The faces of like, oh I'm trying so hard to be nice right now. It was only from two people, they know who they are. They know they have to act real fake because they know they've been in the wrong. It's really pathetic that your closest friends are the fakest ones. It's really sad if you think about it. I certainly need new friends, is what I'm saying. Other than that, the party was actually kind of fun. Everyone always gathers around the pool table to have a jam session. The only bad side of it is that, they play the same songs all the time, from the same genre. You'll never hear any newer kind of music. If I heard Adele come out of any of their amps, I think I would have a heart attack.

Well my friends boyfriends are alright. One of them I think is the most pretentious asshole, and the other seemed like an alright kind of guy. Well I couldn't expect anything less from one of them, that's just how it always seems to end up. I miss my guitar rocking chick from the north, she's such a real chick, a pretty sarcastic one to say the least. Ehh, it was such an unsettling night. When your closest friends are fake to you, you know that theres something wrong. I'm not at fault for it, they're the ones that are making it seem weird. I never thought there was a problem. There is so much immaturity, it's sad, your twenty years old.

Halloween

Time: 5:00pm

Place: house

I went with my friend to Huntington. She babysits her brother who lives out there. We took him trick or treating to all the stores in the nearby town. He's a pretty funny kid, he knew how to exploit the right people for more candy. It was crazy there were so many little kids running all over the place. Halloween's a pretty fun holiday. I mean, you get free candy. Then my friend and I, headed back to my house to figure out what we were going to do. There weren't any trick or treaters at all. My friends and I, sat and ate the candy. We started to get the party going by getting drunk. We had some drinks, with 151 and malibu, it was great. My friend had put his glass on his armrest and when he got up, it splashed all over the place. It was a good thing that we were outside because it was all over the place. We migrated inside to kill each other in a game. Then sparkle shirt woman knocked her drink over in my room. It was some major spillage. It wasn't bad because I don't have like, the padding stuff under carpets. Its just a thin area rug thing. It doesn't hold as much dust and junk. It came up easy, so, I felt ok about it. I did use a lot of napkins though. It was a pretty weird night. I was sad that there wasn't as many trick or treaters. Way too much candy is left over and that's not a good thing. Ahhhh, SUGAR.

Just one of THOSE days

time: 1:27pm

place: Kitchen

This morning was a little weird. I woke up late. I totally forgot to set my alarm on my phone. I was laying in bed thinking, my alarms going to go off, I can roll back over and go back to sleep. The next time I woke up it was 8:10am, my class is at 8:30am. I have to grab my coffee too before I go to school otherwise I'm all groggy. I made it to class ten minutes late. As I was walking to the building, I ran into Oriann. I laughed at her and said, late for class as well. "Yeah I can never wake up in time for this class." We walked in and sat down to the teacher talking about children being raped. Lovely, just what I need to be walking in on. We were talking about the human trafficking in America. It's really rather disgusting, so I won't go into detail.

I walked with Oriann to my second class talking about the Crush cigarettes I had bought. They suck. We hugged as she ran for her car because she was freezing, but this time she was actually wearing appropriate clothes.

I found out at the end of Geography class that I'm not doing to well. That I'm going to have a B if I do well on the next two quizzes and the last test. Fuck! I hate B's. At least I can get a B+ If I ace the next quizzes and get at least, 25 points or higher on the test. Fuck! I knew I wasn't going to get an A in that class, it's really boring. She said that she was going to give an extra two points for the hell of it, I believe. So Gah!! I have to really study for those tests. It's like buckle down time. EEEEKKKKK!!!!!!!

Hmm

Time: 1:53pm

Place: Couch

Well, Halloween is on its way. It's getting pretty close, it's Friday. I haven't gotten my costume together yet. I have to have some kind of costume for a party on Friday. I'm not sure if I will get it together on time. I keep forgetting to get my cape from my friend. I think that I'm just going to take a piece of extra fabric I have and sew it on. I'll just cut out a heart shape and throw it on the back. I'm going to grab a paper cornice from Burger King. It will be cheaper to grab it from there so I don't have to pay money on a crown. I just have to remember to get it together because I don't have a lot of time. I love Halloween its the best holiday out of any. Peace<3

Rain

Time: 5:18pm

Place: Couch

Well, the rain today was really quite ridiculous. When I drove up to seven eleven this morning the sky was really dark and ominous. I grabbed my morning coffee, which was superb, and trudged myself to school. I got halfway to school and it started to rain ever so slightly, nothing too major. The parking lot of the school was a mess as usual, nobody knows how to drive at that school. I walked quickly toward the E cluster because I thought that I was going to be late. I grazed someone that looked really familiar to me when I was walking into the building. I still have no idea who this person was and it's really going to bother me. He was kind of hot so it's going to bother me more. Anyway, got to class and was early. The door for the room is always locked and we always have to wait for someone to open it. We had sat in groups working on a random few questions that the teacher had assigned. I enjoy that class, a bunch of women discussing about female rights, how could I not. I handed in my re written essay at the end of class. She told me that it was absolutely perfect that I had re written it. She had wrote a note at the bottom of the page asking if I wanted to re write it. I didn't get to discuss it with her, so I didn't know if it was alright or anything, but it was. I hope that I get a better grade then a B because I hate B's.

I walked with Oriann to her second class, talking about how dumb the girl with bad roots was. I think everyone in the class hates her. I mean, if she didn't say anything dumb then nobody would hate her. At this point the rain was coming down fast. I gave Oriann a quick hug before I made the run for my car. The parking lot at Nassau, is a complete mess. Half the time the ground was like a river, water rushing every which way. I stepped into a giant puddle and I could feel the water rush into my sneakers. It was kind of upsetting, they're still nice shoes. I try and take care of them because they were hundred plus dollars. I got home and took the blow dryer to them. They're looking better, so I'm not bugging. Blah what a crummy day, just absolutely crummy.

Geography Tests

Time: 2:53pm

Place: Room

So,  I took my test this morning, What a hefty one. There was seventy five questions on it. I don't think it was that bad, but when you think that, you usually fail. I just hope that I get at least a B.

Blah, Blah, Blah. I'm so freaking bored.

I have to re write a paper for women studies. I got a B on it but I wanted a better grade. So i have re written it, but I haven't typed it out yet. 

Yay, Heroes is on tonight. It's going to be fabulous.

Ok, I'm bored enough for this, so peace out.

Pumpkin faces

Time: 7:48pm

Place: room

I was staring at the pumpkin face on my ceiling and thought: that's creepy. His triangle eyes that have semi circles to show some type of eyes, are piercing. His ominous triangle nose, right smack in the middle of his face, why use triangles? The doofy two squared shapes for teeth piss me off. Pumpkins are so weird. Their just so symbolic for Halloween. My room is digustingly seasonal and festive. I think I'm going to rip every thing down. The festiveness is bothering me. Then again, I never have to put up decorations for holidays because their already there. Whatever. I was just wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Why am I festive? I hate football it's on every channel, I have nothing to watch now. Ahhh, Beetlejuice. Awesome, this movie is the best, that's the one good thing about Halloween. Peace.

The Understanding

Time: 12:51 am

Place: room


I think I understand a little more now. Life is pain. It's sorrow. It's depression. It's love. It's hate. Of course a whole lot of other things that I could list. All that is ever in your life is sadness. People tend to die all around you or feel just the same sorrow. It never lets you just be happy for more than, maybe a day. Life is always going to be a constant struggle, no matter who you are. It's surprising to me that people don't kill themselves more often. I know that sounds morbid, but, its something that you have to wonder about. Why do you continue to wake up in the morning to do the same things. Out of sheer hope that the next day will be better or just the fact that you have to. You have been born into this world and it almost seems like you just have to keep going. Unless, you have the actual balls to actually commit the act of suicide, its just depressing monotony. That's it, people just don't have the balls to kill themselves. Maybe? This may just be me being like fucking Emily Dickinson, that morbid bitch. It also could be me just coming down from alcohol, because they do say that it makes you depressed. Who knows no one will ever truly understand what it is to be human, or how one should feel. I guess that's just one of the mystery's of life.

I sometimes think, when you get to a certain age you realize that living is just annoying. That life sucks when you get to a certain age. I think it would be once you hit middle school. Middle school sucked and it only went down hill from there.

Wow, way for me to be depressing. Hey, well, sometimes it's good to be a little depressing. If you have read most of these blogs, they all seem pretty depressing. I don't know, life is depressing, so I guess, what else would I be writing about. I wish, I could feel more apathetic about things. Sometimes I don't want to feel apathetic at all because I think it's a waste of time.

I definitely need to get another notebook. They're so many things that I want to say but I don't want anyone to think ill about me. I can truly analyze things, knowing that no one will read it and get offended. I mean, I get pretty close to the bone, but I like to use names to help me vent. I can't do that here. In a sense, I like to be sucking on the marrow when I'm ripping something apart. Yes, definitely, this isn't doing enough justice for me. I almost feel "wishy washy". I'm getting close to what I want to say about things, but, it's not therapeutic enough. No more of this, this will just be a place to write fiction stuff and no longer any venting. It's not doing it for me.

Realizations

time: 1:00pm

Place: Kitchen

I have made some realizations today. I have been a little bit too much of an asshole. I have subverted the people that were just really good friends. They wanted to hang, have someone to talk to about their lives, and hopefully, they will have positive feedback. Everyone has tough times when they're moving way too fast. It's of no help to put more stress upon them. In no way am I apologizing for anything about what I have said about certain other people. To them I was being honestly truthful and that's what I think. I'm not apologizing for it. They're just trying to survive on their own. It has got to be difficult; I have no idea. This is to the people that are truly honestly, living on their own. Not the ones who think that they are, please c'mon, you know who you are. I feel honestly bad about being such a horrible person, to the right people! I can understand how tumultuous things can be all at once, its overwhelming. Things have been so confusing, everybody seems to be, finally, going in separate directions. People are getting busy with school or with new jobs. It's kind of auspicious to see that nobody is sitting on their ass doing nothing anymore. I'm glad.

People, also are getting really pompous. Some think that they are above others, when certainly they're the ones that are definitely on the bottom. Bah, I have so much work to do this weekend it's exciting. I will have something to do when I don't, which is usually often.

Don't forget to vote November 4th. Don't vote for flaccid, old men. They just want to help the rich and rape the Earth.

Delusion

Time: 6:36pm

place:Kitchen

It's funny, so many people believe in this sense of grandiosity. That they put themselves on a pedestal for decisions that say, you or I, make on a normal basis. That, they have achieved such greatness and it isn't deserved. I'm not squandering anyone that makes real ambivalent life choices, just the ones that think they do. Also, by any means, don't think that your excluded from the ones that think they do, think about it, you know who you are. Yes, I'm talking about the people that have this obscure notion that they make such tough choices on a daily basis. I wish people didn't act so pathetically, its sad. What I utterly despise is women that think that they are such strong independent women. I told someone that I didn't want to have sex with them anymore, I'm such a strong independent woman. Please, a lot of women do that on a regular basis. What, is it that hard to say, hey I don't want to fuck you anymore, I don't think so.

It's just such a constant struggle for you.

Women and children are being trafficked into this country thinking that they are going to have a better life. They are then subjected to people taking away their birth certificates and Id's so that they can be forced into labor. They then live in horrific conditions, working from five am to eleven pm and are locked inside. They're not aloud to shower or leave the premises. They have to share a bed with someone else. On their time cards its says that they only worked for three hours. How's that, for a hard life. People are being forced into slavery when all they wanted was a better life for themselves and their kids. Don't think that this is only happening to the foreign people that are in this country. They're an undetermined amount of US citizen's that are also put into this slavery. Plus, they're being subjected to rape, assault, or torture. The next time you want to say that your such a great enduring woman, think of these women and realize, you have it easy. 50,000 women and children are trafficked into the US each year, EACH YEAR. Before the Trafficking Victims Protection Act in 2000, these victims were deported as "illegal" aliens, no justice served. So stop, with your petty bullshit. Inadequate statements about your personality, or how you think your just so pristine now, is just beyond my comprehension. Let's not even start with the women that are forced to be live in nannies. What I'm getting at is this: Don't pretend that you have it so much harder than anyone else, you certainly don't. Think in reality, and not in your delusional, quixotic world.

A bewilderingly happy day

time: 12:40pm

place: Kitchen


It was weird today. I awoke a minute before my alarm and that never happens to me. Most of the time I wake up one to two hours before my alarm. Anyway, I got ready and headed out the door. I got to seven eleven and grabbed my morning coffee. It was better than most and that was also surprising. The parking lot was a little outrageous this morning but not that bad. I walked toward the left side of the G building. I ran into my brother and Courtney, both walking the same way. It was weird. I then made my way behind the building toward the direction of the E building. As I was walking down the sidewalk, I ran into Cassandra. It was mystifying. I haven't seen that girl in a while. The one place that I happen to run into her, it was just weird. I got into class and everyone seemed to be in a good mood. People had smiles on their faces and seemed to be more astute. I walked to my second class with a girl from women studies. We were talking about the grades that we got on our research papers. I was kind of surprised that I got a B+ on the paper; I thought that I was going to do better than that. At the bottom of the paper though, It says that I can rewrite it for a better grade, so I was happy. I got into Geography class and it was the same atmosphere. The teacher walked in with a big smile on her face when she said hello to everyone. The whole class went by really fast, and that never happens in that class. It was just a really weird day. On the way out of the building, I ran into Courtney again. She was sneezing like crazy.

Anyway it just seemed like a really happy day for some reason. Then I came home and read an article in the Rollingstone magazine. It was about the Taliban in Afghanistan, and how it has only gotten worse. The horrific picture that it showed in the article was scary. There were myriad body parts, askew in the streets. Blood was strewn over everything, and explosions were depicted in the back. It was a little traumatizing. We're so lucky that these violent acts are not seen here in the states. If everyone could see, first hand, the atrocities that were being made in these countries, there would be more outrage over the war. Instead, people will go about living in their ignorant bliss, until something of that magnitude comes hurtling here. Its sad and pathetic. No one in this country, knows the meaning of terror, fear, or pain.

So I guess the day ended up canceling itself out, in a way. How could I be so selfish in thinking this was such a great day. A great day will come when this violence, STOPS.

Green-Wood Cemetery

time: 11:09am

place: kitchen

So I have looked up Green-Wood cemetery on the Internet, and it's kind of baffling. I can't believe that a cemetery has a tour. It's a little weird. Well I read that they have some famous people buried there. Boss Tweed sounds very familiar, all my history teachers are probably kicking themselves. I think that we should go to this cemetery because it would be really cool. Yes, definitely, people need to be weeded out of the classroom before this will be possible. I have never been there before. It sounds interesting, and a bit erie. Erie things excite me, sometimes I feel like maybe I will be possessed by something. Who knows, but, it would be really cool to have that experience. I mean, I haven't been on a field trip in forever. The last time I went on a field trip, I was in middle school, and that was a while ago. I'm really excited to see the architecture that they have because it has been around for decades. The architecture that we have now is definitely not mystifying.

The Battle Hill Monument of Minerva, saluting the Statue of Liberty, seems really cool. I would love to be able to see what that statue symbolizes. The view that it has seen over the years was probably amazing. If you could see what that statue has seen over the years, that would be, truly mystifying. I think it's terrible that they want to build commercially, and block the history that the statue has stood for. I think it would be a real privilege to be able to see it. If we don't end up going, I definitely want to make the time to go myself.

V for Vendetta

Time: 10:19pm

Place: My futon

I was watching this movie and it got me thinking. I thought it had a great message to the world. We musn't let others decide for us and never let anyone take away your freedom. I just love this movie. If you haven't seen this movie, I suggest you do.

"Why don't you just die!" "Under the flesh and bones is an idea and ideas are bulletproof."

I thought that was just perfect. People in government and people that are just plain idiodic believe that you can stop terrorism with bloodshed. That definitely, is not the case. We have more deaths and acts of terrorism then ever before. It's the arrogant pomposity of this country that we're not seeing any results. V, is definitely my hero from film.

Bored

time: 12:56pm

place: kitchen

Well I'm bored. It's not just today, its been almost everyday. I wake up, go to school, then come home and do my work. It's the most monotonous routine I have gotten myself into. I don't hate it though. It just means that I'm doing what I have to, to get out of here. I have lost many friends through this path, some I don't care that I have lost. Some, I regret that I don't have anymore. I've sat and reminisced about the good old days, when none of us had any responsibilities. Those days were great, but, it's time to move on. I'm left with one true friend, one that I feel is the best. We both have lost so much over the years, and its funny to see where things have gone. We've both decided that, wasting our time with people that aren't doing anything with their lives, is only bringing us down. They can't seem to see, the true reality of life, and are being swept away by the tides. They all want instant gratification without any true hard work. Many of them have no idea what they want to make out of their lives, so instead they sit and whither away. They blame others for their misfortune, and make excuses for their nonfeasance. They expect that everyone will feel bad for them so they don't have to hear the judgement.

I'm happy that I know what I want out of this life, and I will do anything to have it. I think that I have stepped on many people to get where I'm at and I'm not bothered by it. I don't want people to see it as I'm a bad person; I'm just fighting for what I want. I don't want to have a mediocre job, that I despise, and resent not trying for what I wanted. I know that not everything is easy, and they're a lot of hard times, but, what would be the worst out of trying. You can't be scared about what other people are going to say, then you might as well never leave your house. I mean not everybody is going to like you and you need to get over that. I'm sick of other people telling me that what I want is futile, they're just jealous that they've gave up on their dream. I've heard a lot of people say, they have so many regrets in life, and I don't want that to be me. I've had a lot of shitty stuff happen, but, I'm not going to let it stop me. I don't want to live a life of regret. I will only see the things that I decide to do, as the things that will make me who I am.
I'm glad that I took the time off from school, even if it meant I did absolutely nothing with my time, it still opened my eyes to exactly what I didn't want. I don't want to end up like any of my friends and that's why I'm down to one. Only one friend makes me want to get up in the morning. Only one friend lets me know that what I'm doing isn't futile. Only one friend, I can say, I look up too. It's funny that I do because she's younger than I am, but, who says youth doesn't have it's wisdom.

To the friends I have lost, I apologize, I never meant for it to go down that way, something had to give. I can't be your friend if your only going to drown me. To the ones that still are slightly around, please wake up, your only hurting yourself. It's what Tyra said: " When you go to bed at night, you lay there and you take responsibility for yourself, because nobody is going to take responsibility for you!"


"Learn some thing from this!" Tyra's angry face!

School

Time: 2:43pm

Place: On the couch

Some times I think I'm one of the only people that pays attention. Most of the time it looks like people are all sleeping. I mean in Geo class, she is pretty boring, but, it seems like its all the time. I understand where they're coming from though. If your right out of high school, you kind of, don't really want to sit there and pay attention. You have to want to be there otherwise there's no point. I mean, I still hate being there because I hate everyone that lives on long island. They're all arrogant, self serving, obnoxious people that don't know anything. They're the people that aren't that way, but, they're very few or they have jumped ship already because they hated it here too. Only two more years to go!!!!!

Darkness & Ceilings

Time: 2:30pm

Place: On the couch

So, when your bored, lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling. All the lights are off and you have three pillar candles burning around you. You put on tribal music, really loud, and lay on the floor. Since your stereo is all crazy and stuff, the floor vibrates. Hey, its weird, but, I think its kind of therapeutic. You have to remember to stare at the same point on the wall and let your mind wander. Then I got a phone call from sparkle shirt woman and we chilled. It was fucking freezing outside last night. I think the best part about it was definitely the vibrations from the drums. It takes you to a different place.

Six Flags

time: 12:18pm

place: In front of the T.V.

The drive to Six Flags was really fun. I went to Six Flags on Saturday, with sparkle shirt woman and her sister. We started the drive with Ida Corr, "Let me think about it", it put us all in a pumped up mood. Let me just tell you that Map quest sucks, they give you the worst directions ever. Anyway the drive there was really fun, sparkle shirt woman, only stopped once to pee. I was really proud of her. We got there and decided that the first ride we should go on was the Superman. When we got on the line we realized how terrible the lines were going to be and it was early. The ride was awesome, of course, very exhilarating. Then we made our way to the King Da Ka, because we thought we should get it out of the way before the lines get way too outrageous. Holy shit, that ride is insane. You just sit at the very beginning of the track waiting for like a minute. Then you hear this hissing sound, and you take off at like 100mph. Holy shit, was all I was screaming while we shot up the track. It slows down at the top for a bit, I opened my eyes because I thought it was over. I was dead wrong all I could see was sky and then, tree tops. The ride plummets you to the ground, as you corkscrew, insane. The lines after that ride were ridiculous. We waited on the Nitro for like I would say about forty five minutes. If I'm wrong sparkle shirt woman, please correct me. We waited to sit in the front of the Nitro, that's the only way that you ride that ride. Awesome, as usual. The most annoying part of the day was waiting for the dark knight ride. We waited on line for like an hour and fifteen minutes. When we got inside the building, you have to stand in another line. The doors close behind you, The lights go dark, and a T.V. goes on. Its a clip from the movie, and then something explodes and you hear the jokers laughter. Neon, Ha Ha Ha's, are all over the walls at this point. Your let into another room with another line, then the coaster. It is one of the most retarded rides I have ever been on. Just a bunch of dark turns and spooky, pathetic things, it sucked. Then spooky people came out for fright fest, it was pathetic. Honestly from my opinion don't go to Six Flags during fright fest. It wasn't a complete waste cause it was still fun, but, it would have been better if it was the summer. The lines were just outrageous. The ride home we kind of got lost, but not really, it was weird. Sparkle shirt woman stopped to get chicken and rice. We made our way back to the island. The day was really fun, just the lines were hella crazy.

Yay

time: 1:27pm

place: kitchen

Yay, I'm so excited for Six Flags on Saturday. I'm so excited for the thrill of the rides. It feels like your going to die, so its freaking awesome. I think of anything else to write about. Yay i have to write a paper for english about ghosts. It will be fun , so I'm going to go do that.

Things are going in the right direction for me

Time: 5:02pm

Place: Room


I think things are going in the right direction. For me, everything seems to be looking up. I'm getting myself back into school, doing well, and enjoying that I am doing the right thing. I enjoy it. It's sad to see others plummeting. People, also, are acting like their going through so much turmoil. It's pathetic to think that your an independent woman because someone said some thing hurtful to you. A strong woman would have gotten up in the morning and went to school. They would have gotten up and did what they had to do. A strong independent woman is someone that keeps getting up in the morning to do tumultuous things without the help from a spouse or anyone else. Some one who, even though they are in physical pain, still get up and do what they have to, to survive. Someone who makes excuses and plays the victim card, isn't independent and definitely not strong. Your pathetic and stop making excuses for what your not doing.

Sewing

time: 9:46pm

place: Room

Well, today I decided to try and finish my poncho. I figured out how to thread the sewing machine; It was a lot easier than I made it out to seem. So anyway, I went about sewing the t-shirts that, Lindsay and I, cut up for it. She had sewed the collar for the neck, so, I was kind of already started. I started to cross stitch the poncho, but, it ended up being more trouble than it was worth. When it came down to it, it looked like a complete mess. I decided that I was going to scrap it and make some thing else. I'm going to make something really avaunt gard. It's going to be really funky, definitely something that you would expect me to wear.

I was wondering why we don't have Columbus day off like every one else. I'm a little upset because I had such a great, four day weekend, that I wanted another day. That would have been fabulous. I was kidding. Yay, school tomorrow.

Awkwardness

time:11:12pm

place: Side of my house

Well I have come into a lot of confusing situations lately. Many of my friends think that they have to be awkward because they have relationships in their lives. I think its pretty childish to think that way. I don't know, I think that its really stupid to feel that way. I mean, was I ever having sex with you, that you make it seem like it should be awkward. I don't know why people can't just be mature about these things like come on now, we're how old? Yeah it's all well and good to have someone in your life that you love but seriously. Whatever, Whatever, there has been some great people in my life that put some really good insight into things. I would like to take the time to say that their great, even mother's.

To the people that are acting hella crazy, You know who you are and you need to grow a pair. I need to keep the ones that make a positive difference and the ones that don't its your life your fucking up. I thank you, sparkled shirt woman, your fantastic. I hope that you will get my T-shirt reference.

It's just pointless

time: 12:52pm

place: kitchen


It's just pointless to beat myself up for the nonfeasance in my life. I constantly rip myself apart inside because I haven't accomplished what I thought I would have by now. My book is still on chapter ten and I haven't done anything to it since. Just ten chapters, hmmm, maybe I will sit down today and write some more? I don't know. I just really need to find something that will keep me busy because I'm going stir crazy, even though I'm in school. When I get home from class, any work that is assigned I usually get it done right then. It's baffling to me, I never used to be like that. So I guess, maybe, that's why I feel so bored. I never have anything to do other than that. I have been trying to get a part time job, but, that's not going so well.
I've been hearing some good things about that scream park in bayshore, I believe. I'm not too sure of the location but I heard it was good. I was wondering if I was going to go check that out. My friend told me that it was like forty bucks to get in, so I don't know, It could be worth it? I want to do some kind of Halloween thing this year. I remember a few years ago I went to a haunted house out east, it scared the shit out of me. I'm not a very good "jump out of the shadows" kind of a person. I'm pretty jumpy. I'm just sick of doing the same mediocre crap everyday. I mean you don't have to spend any money to have fun, they're plenty of places that you don't have to pay for. Most of the time, I think when you do spend money it ends up not being that fun, depending on what your doing. We have a park that we can go walking through because I haven't done that in forever. Seriously walking through it, not just making a small circle.
Oh my god, I haven't been to Hicks, in forever. That ghosty guy is probably in that walk through thing. They always have such great decoration things, and like out door living things. I love that place I would like to go there before the end of October or the end of the year. So if anyone wants to go, hit me up and we will go. That place is awesome. I'm doing some thing today, woo, crazy ideas running through my mind!

Younger people

time: 12:47pm

place: Kitchen

Its funny when I look at kids that are younger than I am. It's pretty funny actually. Even people that are my exact age are pretty immature. They just don't look at things in a mature manner, I guess. Things are funny to them that certainly shouldn't be funny. I guess, they just don't care about responsibility. What I hear a lot is: "It's my life, I'm just having fun." I mean, there's a difference between having fun and being stupid. Driving recklessly or driving under the influence is definitely a lot of fun. You may think that your invincible and that you can't get hurt but it's about the other people on the road. It doesn't even have to be someone that is driving necessarily, it could be someone crossing the street. The majority of the time its when someone else dies or gets injured, that's definitely so much more tumultuous than dying yourself. Then you only have yourself to blame, but, You probably couldn't blame yourself. The only person that got hurt in your stupidity would have been you, so it wouldn't have been so bad.

It's hard to try and tell someone that what there doing is wrong or destructive, but, they're not going to listen unless they make the mistake for themselves. Only then will they truly perk up and listen to the truth. You can yell and scream all you want, but its only going to waste your own energy. It's like breathing into a lifeless body; The only thing that's happening is, that your getting winded.

Some times I wish that I could be a little more loosey goosey, but they're somethings that are just not funny. I guess I'm too serious with life. My childhood died a long time ago. Ewww, that's depressing, I'm just not an idiot. Humph.

That's not good

time: 11:30pm

place: Kitchen

Well the economy isn't good. Apparently we might be looking at a world recession. That's fantastic. I'm so sick of hearing all this shit, So are a lot of people. People don't want to hear this anymore because it's just the same day after day. People are more stressed out and scared than ever before. Yes, we need to keep our ears open and pay attention to the news but definitely take some time for yourself. I meditate outside and I find it very relaxing, so whatever suits you.

Hmmm, Im bored. Something will happen that I have to discuss about so I will be back today. peace

Healthcare

time: 12:10pm

place: Kitchen

I was watching this weird documentary in women studies today. It spoke of the facts about health care for women. I was really flabbergasted when I heard some of the realities when it comes to women and the health care. If your an unwed mother, your sixty percent less likely to get paid paternity leave. Also America is one of the only countries that doesn't give paid sick days, beside the allotted days of leave you have with your employer.
In the seventies, President Nixon vetoed a bill for universal health care when both houses wanted to pass it. I say, look at the republicans, look what they have done for this country, absolutely nothing. We could have had universal health care by now and all we have are the same problems since then, If not more. I was a little appalled when I sat and watched this movie; I couldn't believe that this was the case. There's a lot of discrimination when it comes to unwed mothers and their children. Also I was gobsmacked when I heard that it wasn't illegal to discriminate against an unwed mother when it came to hiring. I mean, I'm not too sure if what they're saying is valid but I sure as hell hope not.
If you want to look up more facts and information please try: momsrising.org
factcheck.org

This is some hella crazy shizzzzzz. You can also fact check the candidates on what they're saying in debates with fact check. It's a non sided website just for the facts.

The Real Question

Time: 3:59

Place: Basement

   I think the real question, the most important question you have to ask yourself is, is it worth it? When you wake up in the morning and  continue to go about each day, is it worth it? Are your values and morals worth fighting over? Is it worth your energy to stand behind those views, or should you drop them by your side simply for the sake of another? These questions have made me wonder lately, is what I'm doing worth the stress and anguish? I say yes, I say if you don't stand by what you believe in then what the hell is the point of having any opinion. 

People have been telling me that I shouldn't have to question those things, especially now. I'm not saying that I'm going to change these morals at this point; At this point I don't believe that they should be changed, so I won't.

I recently had a very interesting and enlightening night with my good friend. We were discussing what we each wanted out of life at this point, what we both wanted to be doing in life right now. We both were where we wanted to be but we both wanted something more out of our free time. College has it's moments when you decide, yes this is exactly what I want to be doing. Then your like, yes, awesome, now I want to go and have some fun. You call some of your friends to see if they want to do something. They reply with a yeah, but what is there to do? I don't know, something, you say because your getting a little annoyed with the constant indecision. My friends and I end up sitting around in some one's house. We stare at each others retarded faces, playing the same games in an over excessive manner. This is what happens when we try and do something other than sitting around doing absolutely nothing. We end up doing exactly what I didn't want, nothing.

I hope that everyone else is happy with this, because I'm not. So I say that I'm going to make my own fun, anyway I can.   *Wink, Wink*

It's hard

Time: 7:33

Place: My room

Yeah, of course life isn't easy. Constantly day after day it seems like you have to fend off everything, so that your not thrown to the gutter. Its hard sometimes and some days things can look up. You shouldn't subvert the people that are there for you. The ones that can lend an ear, ones that would give you a hand when you give up being too proud. Things are hard and your allowed to ask for help. I've had enough of this and I don't want to talk about it anymore. I've had enough with caring about other people's mediocre problems and it's time for me to move on.

I understand now

Date:October 1, 2008

Time: 11:05

Place: My room

I think I understand more. When you hang out with people that never once pretended to be someone their not, puts things in perspective. They say what their thinking, no matter how you feel on the situation. They also tell you everything they believe in, even when you don't think the same. They simply just are being themselves and want nothing more than you just to accept them for who they are.

Then you look at everyone else you chill with and you can't say the same. They make comments sometimes on things you want to hear, when you know that's something they would never say. They act like a different person when their's someone who doesn't hang out with you on a normal basis. They pretend to be someone their not because they hate or are afraid of who they are. It's terrible to think that the people you are friends with are these people, because that's what you have tried to not have in friends. It's pathetic!!

Of course there's the people that are completely fake to a fucking T. They'll immerse themselves into something so " gung ho like", without thinking of course, realize how dumb their decisions are and then turn around and say, " oh my god, that was crazy, I'm going to do it different next time." Then they end up doing the same thing again and act like they never did it in the first place. The one thing that irratates me the most is hipocrytes.( I don't know if I spelt that right cause I can't spell check on my sidekick, it looks weird.)

Its sad I wish people were real and weren't such fucking fake ass bitches. " I'm so spiritual now" give me a fucking break.

peace and love

Date: september 30, 2008

Time:10:53

Place: outside

I have decided that anytime someone says good bye im going to say peace and love. I want to try and pass on the love and make more peace in the world. We already have so much tumultuous situations and wars and hate. We have people making racist comment saying keep a black man out of the white house. People are going to vote for terrible people that are going to make things worse. We need to stop the violence with peace and love and it needs to be done. So I say peace and love to everyone even the stupid people that are filled with hate. Just please don't be stupid and illict peace and love where ever you go!!!!!

Family birthday parties

Date: September 28, 2008

Time: 9:17pm

Place: room

Omg do I hate having to deal with family parties. I sit in a room well out of the way think wow I can't believe that I'm related to these people. I guess it's hard for me to understand right wing conservatives, because I think that republicans are a odious plague but you know. Not all of them are that bad but I would say that a majority of them are pretty horrible. I need to be so inebriated to deal with them I think I would drink more than a fish. If fishes do drink water in reality I never really understood that saying. That really is the gist of how egregious my family is. I guess everyone has family members that they don't like no one is perfect but its surprising that its just about all of them that I dislike. Well I don't know but I'm just baffled about how right winged people can be and how much ignorance even your own family could have. I just have to fight each and every republican I come into contact with cause their stupid.

Right

Date: September 27, 2008

Time:4:47pm

Place:Living Room

I think it's really funny that people think that life is so hard. That they have such a tough hectic life. They don't know pain and they don't know real struggle. How dare you think that your stupid decisions to do something, you know is going to be a problem, make "your life" so terrible. You have got to be kidding me, your not struggling for food, you don't have a relentless disease that is killing you from the inside, besides your stupidity. How can you say that you know struggle! Are you living in a third world country? Are you working 4 or 5 different jobs just to make ends meat. No, your not, so stop thinking that your life is so hard. Just because you had a problem with alcohol( it's not like your even a meth head or a heroine fiend) doesn't make you know what struggle is. Wake up and realize not everything is about you, you selfish fucking pig.

Anyway, I hate rain; it makes me sad because there's no sun in the sky. Where did Mr. Sun go, he left me here to rot. All the flowers are missing him, wondering when he will grace them with his sunshine.

Why do people think that everything is all about them, they certainly have some nerve.

Watch out when you go food shopping people are rude. They don't say excuse me when they walk into your path and you have to pull the over-loaded shopping cart back because their so stupid.

People are really stupid, like selfish lesbo's.

Like totally eww

Date: September 26, 2008

Time:2:20pm

Place: Nowhere

Some people are totally nauseating. When they think that they don't have any pertinence toward what their children do, hmm, your intelligent. Of course you have control over what your children do jackass. Ugh seriously people really do gross me out. I can't believe that people can be so totally up in the sky and be that retarded. Seriously get the fuck over it, your not a lesbian your just a fucking fake. You say that you have fallen in love and then two weeks later it's like oh my god i can't believe how crazy that person is I'm going to break up with her. I mean come on.

my mood hasn't been great lately; I guess it's because of how dumb people are. Like seriously your that dumb. I can't stand how intellectually challenged people are in this town, grow a fucking brain. Once again another reason why it sucks here, cause of idiots like your friends. Whatever i guess you just keep going about life like everyone is an idiot. It's a little pompous but I'm beginning to wonder if it really is.

Let's all wish that everyone cared about the world and nature. That no squirrel would be killed in the streets. That maybe when you saw a possum you wouldn't cringe in disgust. That maybe you cared that you cut down all your tree's in the yard just so you could have a fucking in ground pool. That people would fish and then maybe throw them back in before they choked to death. That would be nice wouldn't it. If everyone thought about everything else but themselves all the time maybe we wouldn't be in such a mess. We wouldn't have to make an effort to keep the environment and all those save the earth organizations wouldn't exist because people would already be saving the environment on a normal basis. Human beings are disgusting, all we do is consume and destroy. I'm not going to say that I'm not at fault for any of this but I'm wondering why do we do it. Why do we have to be such destructive people? Maybe that is the curse of human beings, since creation is that all we can be is consumers. Well many would think that because they don't want to give up their rein of consumption. I need to keep smoking my 40 year decaying cigarette butt and I need my fossil fuel burning auto-mobile, how would I get to work??? You could ride a bike to where you needed to go if it wasn't so far away!!!!!!!! That is what we constantly say to ourselves, oh I would ride a bike if where I needed to go wasn't so far. We need to stop making excuses for what we can't do. I'm at fault for it too, I need to stop making excuses for why I can't go and do something as well. I have tomorrow to do it, or I can do it later. It is just plain laziness and we are all guilty of it. We all need to stop being so fucking lazy. Money hungry, pleasure cruising, beasts.

This country

Date: September 25, 2008

Time:2:52pm

Place: Kitchen

I'm terrified for this country. We are in a recession already and if the dumb ass politicians don't concur soon we will be seeing a depression. I think it's funny that John McCain has said that he was going to post-pone his campaign to go to washington to sort out this matter. An ass like that, that thinks that he can put his campaign on halt doesn't seem to bright upstairs. I was recently discussing in women studies that sarah palin is the epitamy of what the republican party likes to think women are, Stupid. Women aren't stupid, to think that women would vote for her soley because she is a woman would be playing right into their trap. I mean yes you do have the some that would vote for her because she was a women, then they deserve to let the women dubb them as inferior. We went from having a great economic expansion and the lowest rate of people on welfare to this mess because of republicans. The war on something that you can't put carporial form to and the myriad innocent people in iraq that are being killed for this reason is grotesque. It's hard to believe that people can have this capacity to do such violence is beyond me, but then again here we are. I think people really need to start waking up and understanding the officials are making vicissitudinous decisions.

Leaving

Date:september 24, 2008

Time:11:41pm

Place: Room

Theirs a lot of things in my life that I need to learn to leave behind. Theirs enough regret and I don't need anymore of it. Relationships that have gone sour or jobs that went south. I have spent a lot of time looking back on those situations and let them rule what decisions I make on new challenges. Some of these situations have turned out for the better and some not the way they should have been handled. Also I haven't said somethings that needed to be said because of a silly notion that I might upset someone. What's more upsetting is letting them go on thinking what there doing is right or is ok.

I need to learn to say the things that need to be said and leave the past where it is. I can't let regret have pertinence in my life because I haven't done anything right by it.

My heart is racing

Date: September 23, 2008

Time:3:23 pm

Place: My room

I can't believe myself and how much I just have not been thinking. I have been really stupid and flagrantly ignoring things that need immediate attention. I have been really anxious about just where I am and what im doing with how my future might turn out. It seems that nobody will have a future the way that the economy has been going, it doesn't seem like their really isn't any point to any of this when were all going to be in a deathly revolution soon. What's really funny is that I have been brushing up on my martial arts more, oh how pathetic I am.

School might even be superfluous soon and all that matters is that your making enough money to eat, or keep yourself under your own roof. Something certainly is brewing in the wings and I'm going to try and be as mentally perpared as possible and in other ways as well. I guess you have to live in the moment and live like your gonna die tomorrow.

Anyway, I wasted my time this morning getting to school because my teacher didn't show up. Last time I knew she was having some hard times with her family member dying so who knows what happened to her this morning.

Omg I really wanna play ddr, I haven't played that in forever.

Live in the Moment, Live in the Moment!!!!!

I don't even know

Date: september 22, 2008

Time:3:34pm

Place: BackYard

I don't know what to say. I have returned into the vapid monotony of life once again. I went to school this morning couldn't find a spot in the parking lot so i parked across the street in that office building parking lot. As i crossed the street i spilled some of my coffee on my hand. Luckily it was a few minutes old so it wasn't scolding but it still was annoying. I sat in the boring geography class almost about to fall asleep. At the end of class we handed in our map projects and i bolted. I walked back to my car smoking a cigarette, with the constant mantra in my head, I hate these people, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. I drove home and found that we did not have milk so i couldn't make my pops. I ran out to seven eleven and grabbed milk and iced coffee. Drove home and sat and did absolutely nothing. Then i decided to sit in the backyard and meditate. I just listened to the sound of the earth and something really bugged me out. The sounds of evil life consuming humans drowned out the sound of the brilliant nature. I couldn't hear the song of the bird in the tree, or the rustlings of the squirrel that was a few feet away. It really pissed me off cause all i could hear was a fucking pigs siren. Probably chasing down some kid that just wants to live. I had a really people hating experience today, what with reading the true dealing of what Sarah Palin was doing in her home town. The three chinned monkey, John McCain, had said somethings that were totally fucking fake. He said that she has continually fought oil companies, when in reality she hired a lobbyist from fucking Exxon mobile and squandered 75 million so odd dollars on a new hockey rink which put their state in debt. It cost each resident 200 for a pointless hockey rink they didn't need. People are so fucking evil its disgusting they shoot animals, syphon money to off shore accounts, and think that abortion and sex education should be abrogated.

     Fucking republicans and selfish human being are a despicable waste to this world. But they are the ones that get richer and richer by the minute. Its pathetic that no one cares.

The Outlets

Date: september 21, 2008

Time:7:48pm

Place: My room

I awoke to my phone vibrating on the table next to me. It was mother reminding me we're going to the outlets today. I had totally forgot about the outlets. The night before I was sitting beside a fire talking with lindsay. We were planning to have a party and play pong with her friends from school. They ended up not attending because they did not have a ride so we just discussed life. Lindsay wasn't happy about not partying because she hauled ass cleaning things in preperation but she later realized that she wasn't into the whole thing. So we had a cozy night sitting by the fire.

Anyway so my mother and I drove out to the outlets. We first hit lucky brand jeans cause she was like you need pants like whoa!!!! When we walked in knowing me I spotted the lesbian behind the counter and was like mah look it's a lesbian, like she was an exotic bird in the zoo. Then we hit up some shoe stores and then found the best store there, Country Clutter. They have all that nick nackky stuff and of course they had Yankee Candle so I thought it was awesome. I was appalled when I saw that name, Michael Kors. Of course that retarded asshole has to have a store in the outlets. I think after being a fan of project runway I just hate everything about him. Then we went down the block and found applebees so we grabbed something to eat. The day ended with me finishing my geography project it was fabulous. That project was the most monotonous thing I have done but I got it done they way it should have been. It actually ended up not being that bad just really tedious.

Now I be chillin at my house with my Mar Face jammin to music and were both on computers, its kind of scary.

Things look opaque

Date: September 20, 2008

Time:11:00 am

Place: My Bedroom

It's so crazy, things happen to be a lot more auspicious for me lately. I'm feeling less and less like I want to kill people and hate everything and everyone. Hey don't misread me cause I still hate everything and everyone but a lot less. It's making me feel so much better. I still need to get on top of a trabajo but at least I'll be happier about it.

I'm a little sickened by the people that think life isn't perfect unless you have a significant other. Oh please don't make me vomit. People need to learn to enjoy themselves first because who's to say that that person is going to make you happy. I don't know I guess I'm just like fuck a man, I don't need him to make me happy. I think that it will find me, I have wasted enough time trying to find it. That whole pathetic notion that you need a lover to make you feel loved. That's bullshit. Also I think that its utterly pathetic that people get depressed because their "lonely" uggghhh!!!!! I guess I just might be the most ignoble human being on the face of the earth and cover everything with facetiousness but I could give two shits.

So anyway when you smell toast that means your gonna have a heart attack right or is it stroke??? Hmm??? Idk???

I think my last beta fish is seeing the all mighty light from above. He's been swimming on his side and that never means a good thing. I'm saddened but I think I have had him for a "while", poor ugly 2. What a terrible name that's why he wants to die cause his name is ugly.

Ahh shit!!!! I have to do that project and I totally forgot about it. Uuuuhhhhh shunuffinuhhh!!!!

The Backyard Frenzy

Time:8:52pm

place: Lindsay's House

Lindsay and I accomplished the cleaning of the backyard. It was really disgusting, the amount of odious lawn furniture that was back there was atrocious. There also was the top of a desk table laying on the ground. It had sat out there for at least four months collecting filth and rain water. Lindsay let me kick it to pieces so that we could move the pieces to the curb. On the side of the stoop was two quagmire's of like animal tanks that had dead spiders in it. Lindsay couldn't pick it up cause she was like it's really to repulsive for me to pick up. So i mustered up the courage to lift them up and put them on the curb. then we wiped down all the furniture and the grill. The pitch black grime that came off these things was making me vomit. We hosed down the concrete so that the dirt would hopefully subside but it wasn't as good as we thought it was going to be but it was close enough. I can't believe that i helped her clean cause it was really gross. I really didn't do much today but seeing the backyard CLEAN was outrageously auspicious.

In other news i have not yet started the geography project but i will do it, i will!!!! Also I'm going to go to the outlets tomorrow and buy some stuff with my mothers money. Yay!!!!!!! Well OK then blogging yay. Oh and Kayleigh is the most facetious person i have ever met and its really vexing every time she opens her mouth.

Geography Projects

Date:September 19, 2008

Time: 9:51 am

Place: Kitchen

I really don't want to do this project. I have to make a map, like all social studies map like legend and everything. It will probably be easy just time consuming and overly tedious. I'm not happy about doing it but i just have to buckle down and do it. This is better than working fucking 37 hour weeks at the mall. It is for the future and for my English education. That's what i have to keep reminding myself of is, its for education and better credentials for my book. It gets monotonous and daunting but just keep getting up and going and yay for coffee.

I went to the mall yesterday with my friend that I blew off for a while. It wasn't bad, it's good to have someone that is girlie and wants to shop. She can be very overly vociferous and facetious but you have to take it in doses. We had a lot of catching up time but I'm not going to say, omg I'm so sorry i can't believe we were fighting and awww like that whole mushy make up scene, that's not me. I do feel that i was a horrible person and she didn't deserve it but she gets annoying.

Hmm???? I really should go and start that project but I don't even want to like touch it till tomorrow.

Sarah Palin, she seriously needs to suddenly die, and Biden is a dumb ass. I think I'm gonna cop out and vote third party.