Just one of THOSE days

time: 1:27pm

place: Kitchen

This morning was a little weird. I woke up late. I totally forgot to set my alarm on my phone. I was laying in bed thinking, my alarms going to go off, I can roll back over and go back to sleep. The next time I woke up it was 8:10am, my class is at 8:30am. I have to grab my coffee too before I go to school otherwise I'm all groggy. I made it to class ten minutes late. As I was walking to the building, I ran into Oriann. I laughed at her and said, late for class as well. "Yeah I can never wake up in time for this class." We walked in and sat down to the teacher talking about children being raped. Lovely, just what I need to be walking in on. We were talking about the human trafficking in America. It's really rather disgusting, so I won't go into detail.

I walked with Oriann to my second class talking about the Crush cigarettes I had bought. They suck. We hugged as she ran for her car because she was freezing, but this time she was actually wearing appropriate clothes.

I found out at the end of Geography class that I'm not doing to well. That I'm going to have a B if I do well on the next two quizzes and the last test. Fuck! I hate B's. At least I can get a B+ If I ace the next quizzes and get at least, 25 points or higher on the test. Fuck! I knew I wasn't going to get an A in that class, it's really boring. She said that she was going to give an extra two points for the hell of it, I believe. So Gah!! I have to really study for those tests. It's like buckle down time. EEEEKKKKK!!!!!!!

Hmm

Time: 1:53pm

Place: Couch

Well, Halloween is on its way. It's getting pretty close, it's Friday. I haven't gotten my costume together yet. I have to have some kind of costume for a party on Friday. I'm not sure if I will get it together on time. I keep forgetting to get my cape from my friend. I think that I'm just going to take a piece of extra fabric I have and sew it on. I'll just cut out a heart shape and throw it on the back. I'm going to grab a paper cornice from Burger King. It will be cheaper to grab it from there so I don't have to pay money on a crown. I just have to remember to get it together because I don't have a lot of time. I love Halloween its the best holiday out of any. Peace<3

Rain

Time: 5:18pm

Place: Couch

Well, the rain today was really quite ridiculous. When I drove up to seven eleven this morning the sky was really dark and ominous. I grabbed my morning coffee, which was superb, and trudged myself to school. I got halfway to school and it started to rain ever so slightly, nothing too major. The parking lot of the school was a mess as usual, nobody knows how to drive at that school. I walked quickly toward the E cluster because I thought that I was going to be late. I grazed someone that looked really familiar to me when I was walking into the building. I still have no idea who this person was and it's really going to bother me. He was kind of hot so it's going to bother me more. Anyway, got to class and was early. The door for the room is always locked and we always have to wait for someone to open it. We had sat in groups working on a random few questions that the teacher had assigned. I enjoy that class, a bunch of women discussing about female rights, how could I not. I handed in my re written essay at the end of class. She told me that it was absolutely perfect that I had re written it. She had wrote a note at the bottom of the page asking if I wanted to re write it. I didn't get to discuss it with her, so I didn't know if it was alright or anything, but it was. I hope that I get a better grade then a B because I hate B's.

I walked with Oriann to her second class, talking about how dumb the girl with bad roots was. I think everyone in the class hates her. I mean, if she didn't say anything dumb then nobody would hate her. At this point the rain was coming down fast. I gave Oriann a quick hug before I made the run for my car. The parking lot at Nassau, is a complete mess. Half the time the ground was like a river, water rushing every which way. I stepped into a giant puddle and I could feel the water rush into my sneakers. It was kind of upsetting, they're still nice shoes. I try and take care of them because they were hundred plus dollars. I got home and took the blow dryer to them. They're looking better, so I'm not bugging. Blah what a crummy day, just absolutely crummy.

Geography Tests

Time: 2:53pm

Place: Room

So,  I took my test this morning, What a hefty one. There was seventy five questions on it. I don't think it was that bad, but when you think that, you usually fail. I just hope that I get at least a B.

Blah, Blah, Blah. I'm so freaking bored.

I have to re write a paper for women studies. I got a B on it but I wanted a better grade. So i have re written it, but I haven't typed it out yet. 

Yay, Heroes is on tonight. It's going to be fabulous.

Ok, I'm bored enough for this, so peace out.

Pumpkin faces

Time: 7:48pm

Place: room

I was staring at the pumpkin face on my ceiling and thought: that's creepy. His triangle eyes that have semi circles to show some type of eyes, are piercing. His ominous triangle nose, right smack in the middle of his face, why use triangles? The doofy two squared shapes for teeth piss me off. Pumpkins are so weird. Their just so symbolic for Halloween. My room is digustingly seasonal and festive. I think I'm going to rip every thing down. The festiveness is bothering me. Then again, I never have to put up decorations for holidays because their already there. Whatever. I was just wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Why am I festive? I hate football it's on every channel, I have nothing to watch now. Ahhh, Beetlejuice. Awesome, this movie is the best, that's the one good thing about Halloween. Peace.

The Understanding

Time: 12:51 am

Place: room


I think I understand a little more now. Life is pain. It's sorrow. It's depression. It's love. It's hate. Of course a whole lot of other things that I could list. All that is ever in your life is sadness. People tend to die all around you or feel just the same sorrow. It never lets you just be happy for more than, maybe a day. Life is always going to be a constant struggle, no matter who you are. It's surprising to me that people don't kill themselves more often. I know that sounds morbid, but, its something that you have to wonder about. Why do you continue to wake up in the morning to do the same things. Out of sheer hope that the next day will be better or just the fact that you have to. You have been born into this world and it almost seems like you just have to keep going. Unless, you have the actual balls to actually commit the act of suicide, its just depressing monotony. That's it, people just don't have the balls to kill themselves. Maybe? This may just be me being like fucking Emily Dickinson, that morbid bitch. It also could be me just coming down from alcohol, because they do say that it makes you depressed. Who knows no one will ever truly understand what it is to be human, or how one should feel. I guess that's just one of the mystery's of life.

I sometimes think, when you get to a certain age you realize that living is just annoying. That life sucks when you get to a certain age. I think it would be once you hit middle school. Middle school sucked and it only went down hill from there.

Wow, way for me to be depressing. Hey, well, sometimes it's good to be a little depressing. If you have read most of these blogs, they all seem pretty depressing. I don't know, life is depressing, so I guess, what else would I be writing about. I wish, I could feel more apathetic about things. Sometimes I don't want to feel apathetic at all because I think it's a waste of time.

I definitely need to get another notebook. They're so many things that I want to say but I don't want anyone to think ill about me. I can truly analyze things, knowing that no one will read it and get offended. I mean, I get pretty close to the bone, but I like to use names to help me vent. I can't do that here. In a sense, I like to be sucking on the marrow when I'm ripping something apart. Yes, definitely, this isn't doing enough justice for me. I almost feel "wishy washy". I'm getting close to what I want to say about things, but, it's not therapeutic enough. No more of this, this will just be a place to write fiction stuff and no longer any venting. It's not doing it for me.

Realizations

time: 1:00pm

Place: Kitchen

I have made some realizations today. I have been a little bit too much of an asshole. I have subverted the people that were just really good friends. They wanted to hang, have someone to talk to about their lives, and hopefully, they will have positive feedback. Everyone has tough times when they're moving way too fast. It's of no help to put more stress upon them. In no way am I apologizing for anything about what I have said about certain other people. To them I was being honestly truthful and that's what I think. I'm not apologizing for it. They're just trying to survive on their own. It has got to be difficult; I have no idea. This is to the people that are truly honestly, living on their own. Not the ones who think that they are, please c'mon, you know who you are. I feel honestly bad about being such a horrible person, to the right people! I can understand how tumultuous things can be all at once, its overwhelming. Things have been so confusing, everybody seems to be, finally, going in separate directions. People are getting busy with school or with new jobs. It's kind of auspicious to see that nobody is sitting on their ass doing nothing anymore. I'm glad.

People, also are getting really pompous. Some think that they are above others, when certainly they're the ones that are definitely on the bottom. Bah, I have so much work to do this weekend it's exciting. I will have something to do when I don't, which is usually often.

Don't forget to vote November 4th. Don't vote for flaccid, old men. They just want to help the rich and rape the Earth.

Delusion

Time: 6:36pm

place:Kitchen

It's funny, so many people believe in this sense of grandiosity. That they put themselves on a pedestal for decisions that say, you or I, make on a normal basis. That, they have achieved such greatness and it isn't deserved. I'm not squandering anyone that makes real ambivalent life choices, just the ones that think they do. Also, by any means, don't think that your excluded from the ones that think they do, think about it, you know who you are. Yes, I'm talking about the people that have this obscure notion that they make such tough choices on a daily basis. I wish people didn't act so pathetically, its sad. What I utterly despise is women that think that they are such strong independent women. I told someone that I didn't want to have sex with them anymore, I'm such a strong independent woman. Please, a lot of women do that on a regular basis. What, is it that hard to say, hey I don't want to fuck you anymore, I don't think so.

It's just such a constant struggle for you.

Women and children are being trafficked into this country thinking that they are going to have a better life. They are then subjected to people taking away their birth certificates and Id's so that they can be forced into labor. They then live in horrific conditions, working from five am to eleven pm and are locked inside. They're not aloud to shower or leave the premises. They have to share a bed with someone else. On their time cards its says that they only worked for three hours. How's that, for a hard life. People are being forced into slavery when all they wanted was a better life for themselves and their kids. Don't think that this is only happening to the foreign people that are in this country. They're an undetermined amount of US citizen's that are also put into this slavery. Plus, they're being subjected to rape, assault, or torture. The next time you want to say that your such a great enduring woman, think of these women and realize, you have it easy. 50,000 women and children are trafficked into the US each year, EACH YEAR. Before the Trafficking Victims Protection Act in 2000, these victims were deported as "illegal" aliens, no justice served. So stop, with your petty bullshit. Inadequate statements about your personality, or how you think your just so pristine now, is just beyond my comprehension. Let's not even start with the women that are forced to be live in nannies. What I'm getting at is this: Don't pretend that you have it so much harder than anyone else, you certainly don't. Think in reality, and not in your delusional, quixotic world.

A bewilderingly happy day

time: 12:40pm

place: Kitchen


It was weird today. I awoke a minute before my alarm and that never happens to me. Most of the time I wake up one to two hours before my alarm. Anyway, I got ready and headed out the door. I got to seven eleven and grabbed my morning coffee. It was better than most and that was also surprising. The parking lot was a little outrageous this morning but not that bad. I walked toward the left side of the G building. I ran into my brother and Courtney, both walking the same way. It was weird. I then made my way behind the building toward the direction of the E building. As I was walking down the sidewalk, I ran into Cassandra. It was mystifying. I haven't seen that girl in a while. The one place that I happen to run into her, it was just weird. I got into class and everyone seemed to be in a good mood. People had smiles on their faces and seemed to be more astute. I walked to my second class with a girl from women studies. We were talking about the grades that we got on our research papers. I was kind of surprised that I got a B+ on the paper; I thought that I was going to do better than that. At the bottom of the paper though, It says that I can rewrite it for a better grade, so I was happy. I got into Geography class and it was the same atmosphere. The teacher walked in with a big smile on her face when she said hello to everyone. The whole class went by really fast, and that never happens in that class. It was just a really weird day. On the way out of the building, I ran into Courtney again. She was sneezing like crazy.

Anyway it just seemed like a really happy day for some reason. Then I came home and read an article in the Rollingstone magazine. It was about the Taliban in Afghanistan, and how it has only gotten worse. The horrific picture that it showed in the article was scary. There were myriad body parts, askew in the streets. Blood was strewn over everything, and explosions were depicted in the back. It was a little traumatizing. We're so lucky that these violent acts are not seen here in the states. If everyone could see, first hand, the atrocities that were being made in these countries, there would be more outrage over the war. Instead, people will go about living in their ignorant bliss, until something of that magnitude comes hurtling here. Its sad and pathetic. No one in this country, knows the meaning of terror, fear, or pain.

So I guess the day ended up canceling itself out, in a way. How could I be so selfish in thinking this was such a great day. A great day will come when this violence, STOPS.

Green-Wood Cemetery

time: 11:09am

place: kitchen

So I have looked up Green-Wood cemetery on the Internet, and it's kind of baffling. I can't believe that a cemetery has a tour. It's a little weird. Well I read that they have some famous people buried there. Boss Tweed sounds very familiar, all my history teachers are probably kicking themselves. I think that we should go to this cemetery because it would be really cool. Yes, definitely, people need to be weeded out of the classroom before this will be possible. I have never been there before. It sounds interesting, and a bit erie. Erie things excite me, sometimes I feel like maybe I will be possessed by something. Who knows, but, it would be really cool to have that experience. I mean, I haven't been on a field trip in forever. The last time I went on a field trip, I was in middle school, and that was a while ago. I'm really excited to see the architecture that they have because it has been around for decades. The architecture that we have now is definitely not mystifying.

The Battle Hill Monument of Minerva, saluting the Statue of Liberty, seems really cool. I would love to be able to see what that statue symbolizes. The view that it has seen over the years was probably amazing. If you could see what that statue has seen over the years, that would be, truly mystifying. I think it's terrible that they want to build commercially, and block the history that the statue has stood for. I think it would be a real privilege to be able to see it. If we don't end up going, I definitely want to make the time to go myself.

V for Vendetta

Time: 10:19pm

Place: My futon

I was watching this movie and it got me thinking. I thought it had a great message to the world. We musn't let others decide for us and never let anyone take away your freedom. I just love this movie. If you haven't seen this movie, I suggest you do.

"Why don't you just die!" "Under the flesh and bones is an idea and ideas are bulletproof."

I thought that was just perfect. People in government and people that are just plain idiodic believe that you can stop terrorism with bloodshed. That definitely, is not the case. We have more deaths and acts of terrorism then ever before. It's the arrogant pomposity of this country that we're not seeing any results. V, is definitely my hero from film.

Bored

time: 12:56pm

place: kitchen

Well I'm bored. It's not just today, its been almost everyday. I wake up, go to school, then come home and do my work. It's the most monotonous routine I have gotten myself into. I don't hate it though. It just means that I'm doing what I have to, to get out of here. I have lost many friends through this path, some I don't care that I have lost. Some, I regret that I don't have anymore. I've sat and reminisced about the good old days, when none of us had any responsibilities. Those days were great, but, it's time to move on. I'm left with one true friend, one that I feel is the best. We both have lost so much over the years, and its funny to see where things have gone. We've both decided that, wasting our time with people that aren't doing anything with their lives, is only bringing us down. They can't seem to see, the true reality of life, and are being swept away by the tides. They all want instant gratification without any true hard work. Many of them have no idea what they want to make out of their lives, so instead they sit and whither away. They blame others for their misfortune, and make excuses for their nonfeasance. They expect that everyone will feel bad for them so they don't have to hear the judgement.

I'm happy that I know what I want out of this life, and I will do anything to have it. I think that I have stepped on many people to get where I'm at and I'm not bothered by it. I don't want people to see it as I'm a bad person; I'm just fighting for what I want. I don't want to have a mediocre job, that I despise, and resent not trying for what I wanted. I know that not everything is easy, and they're a lot of hard times, but, what would be the worst out of trying. You can't be scared about what other people are going to say, then you might as well never leave your house. I mean not everybody is going to like you and you need to get over that. I'm sick of other people telling me that what I want is futile, they're just jealous that they've gave up on their dream. I've heard a lot of people say, they have so many regrets in life, and I don't want that to be me. I've had a lot of shitty stuff happen, but, I'm not going to let it stop me. I don't want to live a life of regret. I will only see the things that I decide to do, as the things that will make me who I am.
I'm glad that I took the time off from school, even if it meant I did absolutely nothing with my time, it still opened my eyes to exactly what I didn't want. I don't want to end up like any of my friends and that's why I'm down to one. Only one friend makes me want to get up in the morning. Only one friend lets me know that what I'm doing isn't futile. Only one friend, I can say, I look up too. It's funny that I do because she's younger than I am, but, who says youth doesn't have it's wisdom.

To the friends I have lost, I apologize, I never meant for it to go down that way, something had to give. I can't be your friend if your only going to drown me. To the ones that still are slightly around, please wake up, your only hurting yourself. It's what Tyra said: " When you go to bed at night, you lay there and you take responsibility for yourself, because nobody is going to take responsibility for you!"


"Learn some thing from this!" Tyra's angry face!

School

Time: 2:43pm

Place: On the couch

Some times I think I'm one of the only people that pays attention. Most of the time it looks like people are all sleeping. I mean in Geo class, she is pretty boring, but, it seems like its all the time. I understand where they're coming from though. If your right out of high school, you kind of, don't really want to sit there and pay attention. You have to want to be there otherwise there's no point. I mean, I still hate being there because I hate everyone that lives on long island. They're all arrogant, self serving, obnoxious people that don't know anything. They're the people that aren't that way, but, they're very few or they have jumped ship already because they hated it here too. Only two more years to go!!!!!

Darkness & Ceilings

Time: 2:30pm

Place: On the couch

So, when your bored, lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling. All the lights are off and you have three pillar candles burning around you. You put on tribal music, really loud, and lay on the floor. Since your stereo is all crazy and stuff, the floor vibrates. Hey, its weird, but, I think its kind of therapeutic. You have to remember to stare at the same point on the wall and let your mind wander. Then I got a phone call from sparkle shirt woman and we chilled. It was fucking freezing outside last night. I think the best part about it was definitely the vibrations from the drums. It takes you to a different place.

Six Flags

time: 12:18pm

place: In front of the T.V.

The drive to Six Flags was really fun. I went to Six Flags on Saturday, with sparkle shirt woman and her sister. We started the drive with Ida Corr, "Let me think about it", it put us all in a pumped up mood. Let me just tell you that Map quest sucks, they give you the worst directions ever. Anyway the drive there was really fun, sparkle shirt woman, only stopped once to pee. I was really proud of her. We got there and decided that the first ride we should go on was the Superman. When we got on the line we realized how terrible the lines were going to be and it was early. The ride was awesome, of course, very exhilarating. Then we made our way to the King Da Ka, because we thought we should get it out of the way before the lines get way too outrageous. Holy shit, that ride is insane. You just sit at the very beginning of the track waiting for like a minute. Then you hear this hissing sound, and you take off at like 100mph. Holy shit, was all I was screaming while we shot up the track. It slows down at the top for a bit, I opened my eyes because I thought it was over. I was dead wrong all I could see was sky and then, tree tops. The ride plummets you to the ground, as you corkscrew, insane. The lines after that ride were ridiculous. We waited on the Nitro for like I would say about forty five minutes. If I'm wrong sparkle shirt woman, please correct me. We waited to sit in the front of the Nitro, that's the only way that you ride that ride. Awesome, as usual. The most annoying part of the day was waiting for the dark knight ride. We waited on line for like an hour and fifteen minutes. When we got inside the building, you have to stand in another line. The doors close behind you, The lights go dark, and a T.V. goes on. Its a clip from the movie, and then something explodes and you hear the jokers laughter. Neon, Ha Ha Ha's, are all over the walls at this point. Your let into another room with another line, then the coaster. It is one of the most retarded rides I have ever been on. Just a bunch of dark turns and spooky, pathetic things, it sucked. Then spooky people came out for fright fest, it was pathetic. Honestly from my opinion don't go to Six Flags during fright fest. It wasn't a complete waste cause it was still fun, but, it would have been better if it was the summer. The lines were just outrageous. The ride home we kind of got lost, but not really, it was weird. Sparkle shirt woman stopped to get chicken and rice. We made our way back to the island. The day was really fun, just the lines were hella crazy.

Yay

time: 1:27pm

place: kitchen

Yay, I'm so excited for Six Flags on Saturday. I'm so excited for the thrill of the rides. It feels like your going to die, so its freaking awesome. I think of anything else to write about. Yay i have to write a paper for english about ghosts. It will be fun , so I'm going to go do that.

Things are going in the right direction for me

Time: 5:02pm

Place: Room


I think things are going in the right direction. For me, everything seems to be looking up. I'm getting myself back into school, doing well, and enjoying that I am doing the right thing. I enjoy it. It's sad to see others plummeting. People, also, are acting like their going through so much turmoil. It's pathetic to think that your an independent woman because someone said some thing hurtful to you. A strong woman would have gotten up in the morning and went to school. They would have gotten up and did what they had to do. A strong independent woman is someone that keeps getting up in the morning to do tumultuous things without the help from a spouse or anyone else. Some one who, even though they are in physical pain, still get up and do what they have to, to survive. Someone who makes excuses and plays the victim card, isn't independent and definitely not strong. Your pathetic and stop making excuses for what your not doing.

Sewing

time: 9:46pm

place: Room

Well, today I decided to try and finish my poncho. I figured out how to thread the sewing machine; It was a lot easier than I made it out to seem. So anyway, I went about sewing the t-shirts that, Lindsay and I, cut up for it. She had sewed the collar for the neck, so, I was kind of already started. I started to cross stitch the poncho, but, it ended up being more trouble than it was worth. When it came down to it, it looked like a complete mess. I decided that I was going to scrap it and make some thing else. I'm going to make something really avaunt gard. It's going to be really funky, definitely something that you would expect me to wear.

I was wondering why we don't have Columbus day off like every one else. I'm a little upset because I had such a great, four day weekend, that I wanted another day. That would have been fabulous. I was kidding. Yay, school tomorrow.

Awkwardness

time:11:12pm

place: Side of my house

Well I have come into a lot of confusing situations lately. Many of my friends think that they have to be awkward because they have relationships in their lives. I think its pretty childish to think that way. I don't know, I think that its really stupid to feel that way. I mean, was I ever having sex with you, that you make it seem like it should be awkward. I don't know why people can't just be mature about these things like come on now, we're how old? Yeah it's all well and good to have someone in your life that you love but seriously. Whatever, Whatever, there has been some great people in my life that put some really good insight into things. I would like to take the time to say that their great, even mother's.

To the people that are acting hella crazy, You know who you are and you need to grow a pair. I need to keep the ones that make a positive difference and the ones that don't its your life your fucking up. I thank you, sparkled shirt woman, your fantastic. I hope that you will get my T-shirt reference.

It's just pointless

time: 12:52pm

place: kitchen


It's just pointless to beat myself up for the nonfeasance in my life. I constantly rip myself apart inside because I haven't accomplished what I thought I would have by now. My book is still on chapter ten and I haven't done anything to it since. Just ten chapters, hmmm, maybe I will sit down today and write some more? I don't know. I just really need to find something that will keep me busy because I'm going stir crazy, even though I'm in school. When I get home from class, any work that is assigned I usually get it done right then. It's baffling to me, I never used to be like that. So I guess, maybe, that's why I feel so bored. I never have anything to do other than that. I have been trying to get a part time job, but, that's not going so well.
I've been hearing some good things about that scream park in bayshore, I believe. I'm not too sure of the location but I heard it was good. I was wondering if I was going to go check that out. My friend told me that it was like forty bucks to get in, so I don't know, It could be worth it? I want to do some kind of Halloween thing this year. I remember a few years ago I went to a haunted house out east, it scared the shit out of me. I'm not a very good "jump out of the shadows" kind of a person. I'm pretty jumpy. I'm just sick of doing the same mediocre crap everyday. I mean you don't have to spend any money to have fun, they're plenty of places that you don't have to pay for. Most of the time, I think when you do spend money it ends up not being that fun, depending on what your doing. We have a park that we can go walking through because I haven't done that in forever. Seriously walking through it, not just making a small circle.
Oh my god, I haven't been to Hicks, in forever. That ghosty guy is probably in that walk through thing. They always have such great decoration things, and like out door living things. I love that place I would like to go there before the end of October or the end of the year. So if anyone wants to go, hit me up and we will go. That place is awesome. I'm doing some thing today, woo, crazy ideas running through my mind!

Younger people

time: 12:47pm

place: Kitchen

Its funny when I look at kids that are younger than I am. It's pretty funny actually. Even people that are my exact age are pretty immature. They just don't look at things in a mature manner, I guess. Things are funny to them that certainly shouldn't be funny. I guess, they just don't care about responsibility. What I hear a lot is: "It's my life, I'm just having fun." I mean, there's a difference between having fun and being stupid. Driving recklessly or driving under the influence is definitely a lot of fun. You may think that your invincible and that you can't get hurt but it's about the other people on the road. It doesn't even have to be someone that is driving necessarily, it could be someone crossing the street. The majority of the time its when someone else dies or gets injured, that's definitely so much more tumultuous than dying yourself. Then you only have yourself to blame, but, You probably couldn't blame yourself. The only person that got hurt in your stupidity would have been you, so it wouldn't have been so bad.

It's hard to try and tell someone that what there doing is wrong or destructive, but, they're not going to listen unless they make the mistake for themselves. Only then will they truly perk up and listen to the truth. You can yell and scream all you want, but its only going to waste your own energy. It's like breathing into a lifeless body; The only thing that's happening is, that your getting winded.

Some times I wish that I could be a little more loosey goosey, but they're somethings that are just not funny. I guess I'm too serious with life. My childhood died a long time ago. Ewww, that's depressing, I'm just not an idiot. Humph.

That's not good

time: 11:30pm

place: Kitchen

Well the economy isn't good. Apparently we might be looking at a world recession. That's fantastic. I'm so sick of hearing all this shit, So are a lot of people. People don't want to hear this anymore because it's just the same day after day. People are more stressed out and scared than ever before. Yes, we need to keep our ears open and pay attention to the news but definitely take some time for yourself. I meditate outside and I find it very relaxing, so whatever suits you.

Hmmm, Im bored. Something will happen that I have to discuss about so I will be back today. peace

Healthcare

time: 12:10pm

place: Kitchen

I was watching this weird documentary in women studies today. It spoke of the facts about health care for women. I was really flabbergasted when I heard some of the realities when it comes to women and the health care. If your an unwed mother, your sixty percent less likely to get paid paternity leave. Also America is one of the only countries that doesn't give paid sick days, beside the allotted days of leave you have with your employer.
In the seventies, President Nixon vetoed a bill for universal health care when both houses wanted to pass it. I say, look at the republicans, look what they have done for this country, absolutely nothing. We could have had universal health care by now and all we have are the same problems since then, If not more. I was a little appalled when I sat and watched this movie; I couldn't believe that this was the case. There's a lot of discrimination when it comes to unwed mothers and their children. Also I was gobsmacked when I heard that it wasn't illegal to discriminate against an unwed mother when it came to hiring. I mean, I'm not too sure if what they're saying is valid but I sure as hell hope not.
If you want to look up more facts and information please try: momsrising.org
factcheck.org

This is some hella crazy shizzzzzz. You can also fact check the candidates on what they're saying in debates with fact check. It's a non sided website just for the facts.

The Real Question

Time: 3:59

Place: Basement

   I think the real question, the most important question you have to ask yourself is, is it worth it? When you wake up in the morning and  continue to go about each day, is it worth it? Are your values and morals worth fighting over? Is it worth your energy to stand behind those views, or should you drop them by your side simply for the sake of another? These questions have made me wonder lately, is what I'm doing worth the stress and anguish? I say yes, I say if you don't stand by what you believe in then what the hell is the point of having any opinion. 

People have been telling me that I shouldn't have to question those things, especially now. I'm not saying that I'm going to change these morals at this point; At this point I don't believe that they should be changed, so I won't.

I recently had a very interesting and enlightening night with my good friend. We were discussing what we each wanted out of life at this point, what we both wanted to be doing in life right now. We both were where we wanted to be but we both wanted something more out of our free time. College has it's moments when you decide, yes this is exactly what I want to be doing. Then your like, yes, awesome, now I want to go and have some fun. You call some of your friends to see if they want to do something. They reply with a yeah, but what is there to do? I don't know, something, you say because your getting a little annoyed with the constant indecision. My friends and I end up sitting around in some one's house. We stare at each others retarded faces, playing the same games in an over excessive manner. This is what happens when we try and do something other than sitting around doing absolutely nothing. We end up doing exactly what I didn't want, nothing.

I hope that everyone else is happy with this, because I'm not. So I say that I'm going to make my own fun, anyway I can.   *Wink, Wink*

It's hard

Time: 7:33

Place: My room

Yeah, of course life isn't easy. Constantly day after day it seems like you have to fend off everything, so that your not thrown to the gutter. Its hard sometimes and some days things can look up. You shouldn't subvert the people that are there for you. The ones that can lend an ear, ones that would give you a hand when you give up being too proud. Things are hard and your allowed to ask for help. I've had enough of this and I don't want to talk about it anymore. I've had enough with caring about other people's mediocre problems and it's time for me to move on.

I understand now

Date:October 1, 2008

Time: 11:05

Place: My room

I think I understand more. When you hang out with people that never once pretended to be someone their not, puts things in perspective. They say what their thinking, no matter how you feel on the situation. They also tell you everything they believe in, even when you don't think the same. They simply just are being themselves and want nothing more than you just to accept them for who they are.

Then you look at everyone else you chill with and you can't say the same. They make comments sometimes on things you want to hear, when you know that's something they would never say. They act like a different person when their's someone who doesn't hang out with you on a normal basis. They pretend to be someone their not because they hate or are afraid of who they are. It's terrible to think that the people you are friends with are these people, because that's what you have tried to not have in friends. It's pathetic!!

Of course there's the people that are completely fake to a fucking T. They'll immerse themselves into something so " gung ho like", without thinking of course, realize how dumb their decisions are and then turn around and say, " oh my god, that was crazy, I'm going to do it different next time." Then they end up doing the same thing again and act like they never did it in the first place. The one thing that irratates me the most is hipocrytes.( I don't know if I spelt that right cause I can't spell check on my sidekick, it looks weird.)

Its sad I wish people were real and weren't such fucking fake ass bitches. " I'm so spiritual now" give me a fucking break.