Anyway

So, about the fiasco that was my birthday, lets discuss. I started the day thinking, "Ok, stay positive and good things will happen today. I will not be a debby downer and this birthday is going to be good." Well, that, as usual, was a complete bust and it turned out to be exactly what I expected. I think that I need to just accept the fact that I shouldn't have drug addicts as friends. Why would any one expect that a bunch of drug addicts would stop for five minutes, think about some one else, and make sure that they're getting what they deserve. Drug addicts think only of themselves, and only about when they're going to get their next fix. Also, the tension and anger that swells in an addicts brain when they can't get a fix, when they want it, well... that's a whole other story of human catastrophe. All I wanted for my birthday was to just simply go out to a bar or something, get drunk, dance a bit, and pass out later when we're spent. That is nearly impossible when every one is coming down from hard drugs and they want nothing more than more drugs or to pass out. It just makes you feel like no one cares and that they don't have the time for one day to do what you want. Every birthday has been an utter disappointment and I'm not the one that is like we're going to do this, than this, than at this time, we'll do this. I'm not the pushy, overbearing type when it's my birthday. I don't expect much just people to spend time with me, get drunk, and dance! I can care less about presents because I think it's awkward! It's too material, just good company is what a good birthday entails and some good music! Maybe, I'll find appreciative friends in Oregon... hopefully ones that aren't drug addicts!

The Wizard of Oz

This movie will forever make me happy. I don't know why, but any time that I watch this movie it makes me feel better. I get a sense that not all in the world is horrendous, ironic because this is the epitome of a fantasy world. In any case, this movie is still so joyous. I also can't deny that I'm a crazed Judy fan. A cultured gay man cannot deny Judy's wonder. She is the old Hollywood glamour... see I'm going on a rant about how magnificent she is. I'm so glad that my mother was such a fag hag and made me watch this when I was a child. I still watch this movie and I'm still enamored with the wonder, magic, and mystery that is Oz. I don't care that all the backgrounds are paper walls; It still cannot be denied as one of the best classic movies that shall not ever be redone! "follow the yellow brick road!"

In one day

It's weird that you're attitude about yourself or about your situation can change in the matter of a day. I started off in a great mood this morning and it has fallen into self deprecation. Maybe I do have a disorder or maybe it's this place. I don't want to expect anything because I know that I will get my hopes up, but I expect things in my head and they never seem to come to fruition. So what I'm saying is that I expect things I just don't verbalize them. My birthday is in six days I think and I want to have a party or a big get together, but I don't want to disappoint myself. I have the feeling that no one wants to come to my party, I mean, why would they. I'm not a good friend. I'm pretty selfish, but some people wouldn't say so. I don't know why, but they think so. I don't believe I'm a good friend so that's why I don't think anyone would want to come to my birthday. I don't want anything from anybody, I just want them to come and have a drink or two or just enjoy each others time. In fact, I hate the thought of a present. I think that a good friends company is the greatest gift. Do you see the self deprecation, I can't seem to shake it now.

I was pretty atsonished

I was rather astonished today at the giant, you can only buy in bulk, super market. I always have this propensity to analyze everyone else in the store. It's almost like I have to make up these lives for them by judging what they look like, and how they look or gaze upon me. I began to realize that almost everyone in the supermarket was morbidly obese. When I say almost everyone, I'm not counting the teenagers or the anorexic housewives thinking they're still fat from having their babies. So those people would be the almost. I've recently built this idea in my head that I'm really over weight because I had been trying to build muscle. At this point it only looks like I got fatter because that pesky muscle builds under the fat or extra skin, those bastards. The real shocker in this supermarket adventure was when we reached the check out lines. While we were on line another woman on the opposite queue pointed out that there was a dollar off coupon on the counter by the service desk. She had saw that we were buying the pumpkin spice coffee mate and asked if we had seen that coupon. I was absolutely perplexed and flabbergasted when this whole scenario happened. I was literally shocked that someone would go out of their way like that because it most always never happens in this community. These people are too busy being smug with their two season old fashions thinking that they're in and having a tude about the fact that they wear two season old designer clothes. If you catch my drift... they're that kind of people, so that whole situation was extremely out of character. I was rather surprised today. That's sad that my biggest highlight of the day was about this woman in the super market, how pathetic.

We might loose our Post Office?

When Lori Stokes said, do we really even need the post office any more? I was flabbergasted. What a moronic statement to make. How else would we be able to send things to other people. If you needed to send an item to some one, how would you do it without the post? What if we do loose the post office, what then? Would other small business people start their own shipping companies and charge what ever they wanted for shipping? Would the government monitor these items being shipped because if they were private companies, would they have the jurisdiction to monitor their shipment? These are some pretty perplexing questions to ask, what if? What if is such a horrible thing to say, it's such a pain, but truly, what if? Would you want these private companies shipping items like, oh say, babies from other countries? How about machine guns, explosives, and other "inappropriate" items? It's a touchy subject, would these private companies be better or would it result in a fascist monopoly? BUT! Wasn't the government's post office a monopoly? You weren't allowed to find an alternate way of shipping an item... without doing it yourself, all mob-ie like. Who knows, what this toppling of the post office will wrought. Well... we shouldn't have bailed out the banks because of a slew of other reasons why it wouldn't have fucked us, but would loosing our post office be detrimental to our nations security? What if, and who knows... we'll just see what happens when the outcome of the post comes to fruition.

Google +

I also joined google plus recently and I have to say it's not worth all the hype. I mean, it's extremely similar to Facebook, and I can't stand Facebook. Well, hopefully, it'll be better when more people I know use it? Maybe? Who knows... all these social networking sites are making us as human beings seem to be more separated from each other, even though, we're connected to just about every one in the world. I have so many blogs, that I'm on the computer for about an hour just checking all of them. Can you say, "Scary!"

A job?

It's insanely difficult to find a job now. I have been sending resumes to so many different places and haven't gotten anything back yet. It's an extremely daunting process. I have only a few months here in New York as well and I need a job soon. I have completely run out of funds and i'm in debt to my credit card company. I don't know what to do; I would pretty much do just about any job at this point. I have even applied to an overnight stocking job because I need something. I figured, hey, I don't sleep anymore any way so an overnight job wouldn't be bad. I just hope I find something because now I'm seriously broke. I can't even go out and find a job because I don't have the money for transportation so it's a bit of a catch 22. I just have to stay persistent and some thing will eventually surface, hopefully. :(

Some real courtesy...

What truly blows my mind is when people are offended when you are obnoxious or raucous when they're on the phone. Um... well, what's truly rude and obnoxious is that you're on the phone while we were having a get together. You didn't get up and excuse yourself and take the call in a more appropriate area. I mean really... I'm well within means to be however I want to be in my own room in which I invited you into. I don't know, when I ever get a phone call, I will either be the person who will put it on silent or vibrate and take the call later or excuse myself. That is true courtesy, that is some one who has manners. I don't know what happened with proper phone etiquette since the invention of the smartphone, but some people seriously don't have it or they think that every one else should stop for them because they're on the phone.

In regards!!

In regards to getting to Portland, Oregon... I've got it. I'm going to Portland State University in January and I can't be anything but ecstatic!! I've finally achieved my goal to get out of this horrible town! Keep your mind on what you want and you'll eventually get there. It is the absolute truth and I see that now!

About moving

The qualities that you saw in your best friends have withered and corroded... it only makes it easier to leave them behind!