In one day

It's weird that you're attitude about yourself or about your situation can change in the matter of a day. I started off in a great mood this morning and it has fallen into self deprecation. Maybe I do have a disorder or maybe it's this place. I don't want to expect anything because I know that I will get my hopes up, but I expect things in my head and they never seem to come to fruition. So what I'm saying is that I expect things I just don't verbalize them. My birthday is in six days I think and I want to have a party or a big get together, but I don't want to disappoint myself. I have the feeling that no one wants to come to my party, I mean, why would they. I'm not a good friend. I'm pretty selfish, but some people wouldn't say so. I don't know why, but they think so. I don't believe I'm a good friend so that's why I don't think anyone would want to come to my birthday. I don't want anything from anybody, I just want them to come and have a drink or two or just enjoy each others time. In fact, I hate the thought of a present. I think that a good friends company is the greatest gift. Do you see the self deprecation, I can't seem to shake it now.