True Blood

Time: 8:04 PM

Place: Kitchen

What a weird show. This show premiere's every Sunday at nine PM, on HBO. It's a good show I would say, but not exactly my cup of tea. I wish it had more intrigue, more drama, but it is a good show. I especially like Tara, the corky, hot tempered, black chick, that always has a funny pun to say. Her cousin Lafayette is the best. He is a gay, he deals drugs, and does whatever he can to make money. He reminds me a lot of Ms. Jay from ANTM. He is just so much more acrid. They're definitely my two favorite people in the show. My mother read all the books that the show is based on and she said that they don't have so much of a part in the novels. They really should have because they're just too funny. The main character in the show is Sooki Stackhouse. She is played by Anna Paquin. Anna really does such a good job as the part, she really does have some talent. Definitely a good show and you should watch it. The season finale is coming on soon ooo its going to be good. It's going to make me really upset because its going to leave you hanging. I hate those.

I don't waste time

Time: 1:09 PM

Place: Couch

This morning my car did one of those fart, poof, things with my muffler. Then it conked out and I was like what the fuck? I restarted the car and everything seemed fine, maybe, it was just cold and it was confused. So I get to school and I was fifteen minutes late for my first class. I walk in and The teacher isn't there. She apparently cancelled class. So I sat around with the other girls that I talk to, discussing. We got into a funny discussion about vagina's. It was a Little graphic, but I have these conversations all the time. The we got into the topic of hot flashes. It was pretty hilarious.

Geo class was the same, we spoke about how there aren't eastern bluebirds anymore, it's apparently our state bird. I had no clue and neither did anyone else in the class. After that, I went to try and get my paper signed for my insurance. I went to the registrar and it had a line out the door. I don't know why, but I was like I'm not waiting on this line. Well it wasn't really out the door because there's enough room for a giant line but that's what it was, a giant line. I was forget that I will go tomorrow when no one has any classes. A lot of people don't like taking any classes on Friday, so lines are so much nicer.

I don't know how that consisted of me not wasting time, but it seemed like a good title.

That's funny

Time: 12:43 PM

Place: Couch

People are such idiots. I hate driving. I wish I could fly. This morning I was driving to school and someone decided to stop in the middle of the road to make a left. There is clearly a left turning lane but no, they didn't want to use it. So knowing me, I had just bought my coffee and I was sipping on it. I looked up and I saw the car sitting there in dead stop. I slammed on my brakes, my coffee went everywhere, it was all over my textbook, and my pants, ouch! Fucking old ladies, they really shouldn't be driving; I almost went into the back of her car. Then the same thing happened when I went down Nassau Road  (if you drive down that road you know which one) .

Class was pointless, as usual. We haven't learned anything, I don't think I have learned one thing. Anyway, blah, I have to go to work, even though, I tried to call out today. I said that I was sick and couldn't make it in. They don't have enough people working there so they didn't have anyone that could cover three o'clock to five o'clock. I'm working three to nine and no one could come in earlier than five to cover, so, I have to go for two hours. I didn't want to go in because I'm in some mad pain and my back is killing me. Painkillers aren't doing anything, so, I wanted to be able to just relax. Blah, grrrr!!! 

Oh my god! The school semester is almost over. Yay, a month to not have school. Yay, holidays!

The Silliness

Time: 11:56 Am

Place: Couch

We should take more time in life to laugh at ourselves. Lets not let ourselves take ourselves too seriously, please. Where is the fun in being a big stick in the mud, essentially. Laugh at yourself, make fun of yourself, or make your self the butt of the joke. Who knows, maybe, the world would be a much funnier, happy, place. Who knows? maybe? We would all just be a bunch of crack heads though laughing at nothing. I'm just trying to stay positive because I have to go to work soon. I'm trying to make myself happy about it. 

In other things, It's getting pretty tumultuous out there. The world is seriously changing. Things are falling apart. People are losing houses, losing jobs, and finding new ways to make a living. The big executives are just getting richer off our tax paying money. They're having their spa days, and going to luxurious hotel locations. We're bailing out their problems, fixing what they did wrong, and they are getting all the perks from it. It's kind of gross. I still haven't seen anything done about it. Why aren't they being held responsible for any of the stock market problems. They're just walking away without anyone slapping them on the wrists, or hanging them from a wall in a jail cell. Some justice needs to be dealt to how much those people suck at being a decent person. 

Hope & Change!

OK

Time: 4:29 PM

Place: Kitchen

Well I have been like, you know, a lot these past few days. I have realized that everyone else's lives are completely pointless. Why do I care about any of these people and why am I getting so upset over it. It's so pointless. Yea, life is boring. Yes, working full-time while going to school "full-time" is a lot, but its better than doing nothing. The drama that ensues when it comes to people who have no lives, is quite tumultuous. They have to dwell on pointless things because they have nothing more important to dwell on. Yea, work is bleak because I have no clothes to wear and they're all really old. They always say "oh your a guy its so much more comfortable for you." That's so retarded because they can wear normal clothes as long as it's presentable. I have to wear black dress pants and a collared shirt. They would prefer if I wore a suit but I was like, hell fucking no. I just need more clothes but I hate looking for clothes. Ah putting away clothes the whole shift is so tedious. Blah Monotonicity.

Long Day

Time: 11:24 AM

Place: Kitchen Table

What a long day yesterday. It was a short shift at work but the amount of people there, was crazy. It was me and two other people working, the store was insane. I was running around like a lunatic, along with putting clothes back that people didn't want. It was truly insane, my feet were killing me. Then I got home and put my feet up. I had a shot of rum left, yes! I threw it down my throat and boy was it relaxing. Not much happened yesterday, just a long day of agonizing foot pain. Blahzzz.

It's queer

Time: 11:25 PM

Place: futon

Its so weird, your happiest when your going to school and working. Its so weird, why do I feel that way. Its kind of baffling. I mean, I love school and that's really new to me. I hated going to school when I was in high school. High school was evil, that's why. I guess, I have some pretty pathetic people to thank for that. I know, I never wanted to be that person that sat around working from day to day. I wanted so much more for myself. I really want to go to Africa and do some work over there. I really want to inspire people. Make people wake up and be like, oh my god, I know what I want to do in life. That's why I really want to be a professor, or teacher. To tell the youth of America that you should stay in school. You should be more than just being a retail manager, or a sales assosciate in a store, day after day. I want to inspire people because there have been teachers that have really inspired me to be more. A great woman I worked with told me: "I would be a great teacher." I enjoy school and that is weird and enlightening. Yay going back to school, yes, fucking awesome.

I'm a loser

time: 7:20 PM

Place: room

Well I'm just an ass. Work is totally fine. Working for eight hours sucks but I won't be working eight hours anymore. It was just to get me assimilated. Six hour shifts are so much better. Wooo. So it's all good. I'm getting paid pretty nice as well so I shouldn't complain. So this is me shutting up. I have it good. I just need to get black pants. I'm not anorexic anymore so all the black pants I have, don't fit. I need better collared shirts as well. A whole lot of new clothes actually. I will probably be losing weight again anyway, so its kind of pointless. I wish, I would just stay the same size so I don't have to buy clothes every three months.  I don't think thats healthy either. Huh? 

Peacezille<3

Sigh!!!

Time: 12:02 PM

Place: Kitchen


Blah, I'm now in a fucking routine again. I work, go to school, work, do homework, work, blah, its never ending. Oh well, that's what ya got to do. Its not bad, I don't hate it yet. I don't hate school at all but I know that working is going to get tedious. It's not exciting enough. Whatever, not everything can be fun. I was told the other day that I should be some one's assistant. Hmmm. Well that could be an option; I'm a crack head enough that I would enjoy running around doing stuff. I think when I get my first paycheck then I will be happier about it. It makes it worth while. Like, yes, awesome, money!!!!!! I mean, I'm getting paid pretty well also so I can't complain. I know its going to be monotonous because its clothing. I put away clothes most of the time.

Blah, never mind, I'm bored. I have to clean my room like whoa! Its a little gross. Its just messy that's all. I need to make a CD of new songs to clean too, so bye.

Class and poor education

Time: 11:27 AM

Place: Kitchen


Well, class this morning was rather weird. I think my teacher is a little upset. Whether it be something about the class or about other personal things, she just seemed irritated. We have to write a two hundred fifty word essay about cause and effect. She wanted to know: "what caused you to do one thing and not another?" I guess, it was more towards the people that didn't do the assignments that she asked for, and wanted a cause and effect for it. So I don't know what my cause and effect will be for class. I guess, it will be just the obvious, I did this therefore this happened from it.

I have to write an essay about the education system from someones article. It's about how we are segregating our own kids. That we are putting certain kids into more all black schools and that they have lower test grade scores. That kids can't move into other schools because their test scores aren't good enough. That predominately white schools have better test grades than the ones that have majority black and Hispanic. One example was that they opened a school named after Martin Luther King Jr, in a dominantly white neighborhood. Even though that school was opened, many of the neighboring parents sent their kids to other better known schools that have better test grade scores. Thus, inevitably, the school then had majority black and Hispanic students. Thus the school received less money from the city for repairs because of low test grades on state exams. Teachers are paid less, thus, they're less likely to take the time to really teach or teach efficiently. It's really crazy. This is happening in a lot of inner city schools. That the teachers aren't receiving as much money and neither is the school. This is leading to less money for funding the equipment, new books, safer playgrounds, and art programs. It's really quite a problem. These kids aren't receiving a good education thus leading to more poverty and lower paying jobs because of poor education. It's all because of the slashing of school funding. I don't get why people don't realize, these are the people that will be ruling our country one day; why don't we give them a better education. Education is precious and it should never be squandered.

Ehhh?!?!

time: 11:01 AM

place: Kitchen

EEEEK! well now, I will be working full time and be going to school as well. It is going to be crazy. the days that i have off from work are going to be nothing but doing my work for class. eeek!! Well it will be alright cause now I'm right and every thing seems great. Haa!!!

I love the Love Shack song!!!! B-52's ya yah!!!! Bring your jukebox money!!!!!

The job is good, shhhh, I'm not aloud to discuss about it so you want more info give me a holla!

I would like to say HA!

Time: 9:14 PM

Place: Kitchen

Well I would like to just say HA! I was right, I'm always right! People tell me that I'm the one that's miserable and that I hate my life. HA! People are just fucking jealous. People are just jealous. People hate what they want. People hate what they can't have. HA! I was right you hate your life and you can't deal with it. Well I'm glad that, I guess, they figured out that they hated their lives. People are so dumb.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

People can't stand that I'm right too. You know, I guess, they just can't handle that someone that is younger than them, knows more. That I have the answer, that I'm right.

Woooo!!!!!!! I'm ranting now.

I just wanted to say HA! That I wasn't wrong. CHOKE ON IT BITCHES!!!!!!

I don't know what to say

time: 5:03 PM

place: Home

I don't know what the hell is going on. So many things have been going on. This past weekend I have had a lot of time to sit and ponder. I know that I enjoy going to school and enjoy learning. I've just recently wondered what is up with my friends.

You know what never mind. People are just whack. Of course, everyone talks about me behind my back; we all talk about each other behind each of our backs. It's funny that people think it would bother me to hear that people have been talking behind my back. When people talk about you behind your back its because there is something that their jealous about. I laugh it off because if I didn't then it would bother me.

I guess people can't hack that I'm doing something positive for myself. Though, they put people or things in front of them so that they can feel better about being depressed. That they're problems that they just don't want to face. That they hate their life, that they wish they did things differently. Ha! You only have yourself to blame and its not anyone else that is making you sad. So, get over it, its you, not anyone else. A boyfriend isn't going to make you happier; different friends aren't going to make you happier; more money isn't going to make your life any happier; Its you, you are the problem. 

That's what is what, so get used to it. 

Woo... I can't wait till my first paycheck. I need to go out with my good friend and have a good time because we both need it. 

Realize the things that you hate about your life or regret about your life and try and fix it. My regret was quitting school and I have fixed that so figure out yours. Wasting two years of my life with the two people that will never get me anywhere really opened my eyes. You know who the two of you are because you know each other well.

Change some are afraid to hope for!

time: 6:03 PM

Place: Couch

I have been hearing some not so auspicious outlooks. People have begun to already question what will happen with our new president. I mean, it's human nature to question things you don't know but people are getting a little ahead of themselves. I think people are getting scared because they don't know what is in the future. We have to try and believe that something is better than what Bush has done to this country. I think that's why people voted for him in the first place because they didn't want another Bush. He has a lot on his shoulders right now and we have to believe that he will better this country. Though, you can't look for instant gratification because we won't see real change until at least two years. It is going to take a lot of work so give him a chance and don't expect everything to happen instantly. Patience is a virtue, many need to learn.

Proposition 8

Time: 10:19am

Place: Couch

I hate people. This will be the first time that government will take rights away. In the constitution it says everyone is created equal, EQUAL. Just another reason why Christians are evil and how the separation between church and state apparently has no pertinence in making decisions, apparently. None of those people care because their Christian and its no skin off their nose. People are plain ignorant. It says equal, the fact that blacks or women, didn't have rights, is just plain disgusting. Its outrageous, Christians have way too much power and it needs to end. Separation between church and state needs to be enforced. Of course, that won't happen because government officials are Christians and its insane. The people have fought and fought for rights. Eventually we will have our rights just like blacks and women. We'll have to keep fighting. We will get it, I'm with ya, gays in California and all over, just keep fighting!!!

Why do we feel we should please others?

time: 1:55pm

place: comp


I have been wondering this question for a while. It seems to loom over every comment I make to someone else. Why? Why do we do this? Is it simply because we like to make life harder for ourselves or do we do it because we love someone that much? Many times I have answered yes to someone, when I knew that I didn't want to do it. When the outcome reveals itself that person is happy, but you feel miserable. I do it time and time again wondering when will I just give up. I have done some pretty pathetic things for people to like me at times. Most of it was never genuine. They loved the results of it though, but you know that it isn't true. Why do we try so hard to make others happy? Why do we sacrifice our own happiness when you know the outcome isn't what your gonna want? I guess it would be simply because you care enough about the other person to give that up. What I'm asking is when would that person ever do that for me? The thing is they never will because you constantly let yourself be used. So time and time again they will ask so much from you and give nothing in return.
I've began to say no or do what I want and people get mad. Yes, Yes, I feel miserable. I don't have friends that do that for me. They don't go out of their way to make me happy. I know the people that would be reading this would think that I'm out of my mind. That I have never done anything to help them or make them happy and that's why I think they're selfish. I used to give so much of my energy over to them to the point where I have nothing left to give anymore. They've taken all my energy, they asked too much of me. So now that I have finally started doing things for myself, I seem selfish. I have always lent an ear, given a shoulder, but never was there a return.(This doesn't count for sparkle shirt woman. Only for you do I give all of me. Because you give all of you in return.)
I remember a time when one of my friends was in a self damaging situation. She was on the corner of a certain town, screaming at someone who had broken her heart. I was the person that couldn't let her destroy herself. I tried to tell her to let it go, not here, you say things you don't mean when your angry. Though much of the effort was pointless I still tried to help her because I cared about her feelings. At that time in my life, I would do anything for those friends, they made me feel like I wasn't worthless. Yes, I did try too hard to make them like me, I didn't want anyone to dislike me. Many of them helped me become who I am and for that I will always love them for. At this point, This point in life they no longer make me feel like I belong. I've grown up and realized that life wasn't just about partying and getting laid. I guess, for that, I look skewed. I guess maybe I never did have friends that cared about me except, a couple.

I given so much of myself... and for that, I'm sorry. I should have never thought that any of you would care about my feelings or if I was OK.

I guess, when you tell me that I will never love then I guess you don't know what it is. I cared way too much about all of you and never did I feel that from you. Ya, the fake "Oh, Mikey, I love you." never was it true. I was always there to help you in anyway, whether it be dumb or not, I was. So when someone tells you that you will never have rights, that marriage is between a man and a wife, then you truly realize, they never really cared about you. I wont settle for someone that only takes from me, if I wanted that I would be friends with a sponge.(Yes, I said it.)

Much LOVE to sparkle shirt woman, you'll always be a great friend.

Making Enemys

Time: 1:24pm

Place: Comp

Friends have really come and gone these past few months. I don't know how to describe it. I have lost them because I could no longer can keep saying lies. I have recently said certain things that some have found, hard to hear. Previously, I would tell someone that they weren't wrong, its OK to fail, right. I can't believe that I let this go on for so long. I myself cannot live with failing. I can't stand to think that I fucked up. Hey, I do fuck up sometimes, everyone does, but I can't be OK with it. Many of my friends have made some "not so great" choices that they have to live with. They regret it, but they won't let you think that. I remember a long time ago when someone said, "she's going to regret dropping out of school, I do." I don't know if it was actually said or if it was my mind saying that they did. Maybe, its because I want to believe that they know they were wrong and they do regret it.

" Pay no mind to those who talk behind your back; It simply means that your two steps ahead." I love that quote. Its from a friend that I used to work with. I think she's feeling the same.
People do talk behind my back, all the time, its always negative too. I won't let it bother me as well because I have this great quote to think about. Maybe, people really do hate me, maybe, its just because they don't want to hear the truth. I will admit, I'm pretty bitchy. It's because I can't stand having dumb friends. They're a lot of reasons why, I am the way I am. If your the middle child between two brothers, then maybe, you could understand.

I recently had a tiff with one of my friends, via text message, pretty pathetic right. Well of course we were fighting over the new president because she's a backwards republican. I just can't fathom, why people think republicans are good people. Christians man, they're the worst kinds of people. Keep your religious views out of our government, it shouldn't have any pertinence there. Yet, since the world is run by fascist, white, Christians, separation of church and state doesn't really exist. We have gays that can't marry because of backward Christians and women dying from inexperienced abortion doctors, because it's immoral to their religion. Your god is not my god, so back the fuck off.

Maybe, that's why people can't handle what I say. They just aren't as amorous as I am about what is going on in the country. They're people that don't want the war to end, unless we come home with honor. You lost that honor when the war started, you never had it to begin with. It's disgusting that people think that, Barack Obama, is a Muslim. "Oh your going to vote for that dot head." That's called ignorant racism, also a moron who has no idea what the Muslim religion is. Hinduism, is where they wear a red jewel on their head, its for enlightenment or great wisdom. I'm not sure but at least I know the difference between the two. People are really scary. It's sad that the racism in the world hasn't gotten any better. Its rather pathetic if you ask me. People are so retarded. I thought that at least my friends wouldn't be as dumb. Once you really get to know someone after a year or so, you really know what their about. As I see it, I have lost four friends already because they were idiots.

I'm sorry, I have to fight anyone that thinks that moving backwards is what is going to help the country. That is just asinine. We need to move forward, FORWARD, not regress to the middle ages. If that means I'm a bitch or an asshole than so be it. I won't let people be dumb, especially my friends. You want to be stupid, be stupid, but don't expect me to think its OK.

Yesterday's Election

time: 12:22pm

Place: Couch

I awoke to the anticipation of the day. I had to drive to school because I had my women studies class. I grabbed my morning coffee, and made the trip there. In class we discussed about abortion, and the horrific amount of mortality rates that come along with it. Apparently in Europe, the mortality rate is the smallest. They have the best contraceptive knowledge and know how. All together, Europe is just a much better place to live.
Anyway, I drove home to get all excited about voting. I waited for my mother to blow dry her hair. My mother, my brother, Courtney, and I went out to cast our ballots. When we parked in the parking lot the car next to us had a pompous sticker, McCain, country first. I screamed, because I thought it was the scariest thing that I had ever seen. As we were walking into the school, a woman in her car pulled into the parking lot screaming vote for McCain. So, knowing me, I preceded to scream what's wrong with you?? Of course my mother was like "Michael, stop it." My mother doesn't like confrontation. We casted our votes and we were out of there in a lickity split.
Later in the night I sat around with my friends watching the votes come in. At first things seemed a little scary, The red states were coming in faster. It was, I believe, twelve o'clockish, when the news came in that, Barack Obama, was our new president. Yay.
Hope & Change

Pre Election

Time: 2:07pm

Place: My room

I can't believe that the election is so close. It is freaking tomorrow. The anticipation is annoying. I just want to hear the results. That Barack Obama is our new president. If I hear that John McCain is the new president I fucking leaving the country. I can't stand republicans they just aren't good people. They're just evil. I seriously hope that Obama is the new president. Well, Oh my god, It's tomorrow so go out and vote. You should vote for the right guy.  So VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

Halloween Parties

Time: 3:16pm

place: Home

Last night, I went to my friends Halloween party. I, at first, was waiting for my friend to come pick me up. I was sitting on the side of my house chain smoking. I was contemplating what was going to happen. I kept thinking, Oh my god, its going to be the fakest thing I have ever been to. Not the party aspect, the aspect of friends. I just figured that everyone was going to be really fake. The fake like, "Oh, How are you? How have you been? You look so good?" That kind of bullshit. At first when we had arrived it was really fake, everyone was like, " Hey how ya been?" The faces of like, oh I'm trying so hard to be nice right now. It was only from two people, they know who they are. They know they have to act real fake because they know they've been in the wrong. It's really pathetic that your closest friends are the fakest ones. It's really sad if you think about it. I certainly need new friends, is what I'm saying. Other than that, the party was actually kind of fun. Everyone always gathers around the pool table to have a jam session. The only bad side of it is that, they play the same songs all the time, from the same genre. You'll never hear any newer kind of music. If I heard Adele come out of any of their amps, I think I would have a heart attack.

Well my friends boyfriends are alright. One of them I think is the most pretentious asshole, and the other seemed like an alright kind of guy. Well I couldn't expect anything less from one of them, that's just how it always seems to end up. I miss my guitar rocking chick from the north, she's such a real chick, a pretty sarcastic one to say the least. Ehh, it was such an unsettling night. When your closest friends are fake to you, you know that theres something wrong. I'm not at fault for it, they're the ones that are making it seem weird. I never thought there was a problem. There is so much immaturity, it's sad, your twenty years old.

Halloween

Time: 5:00pm

Place: house

I went with my friend to Huntington. She babysits her brother who lives out there. We took him trick or treating to all the stores in the nearby town. He's a pretty funny kid, he knew how to exploit the right people for more candy. It was crazy there were so many little kids running all over the place. Halloween's a pretty fun holiday. I mean, you get free candy. Then my friend and I, headed back to my house to figure out what we were going to do. There weren't any trick or treaters at all. My friends and I, sat and ate the candy. We started to get the party going by getting drunk. We had some drinks, with 151 and malibu, it was great. My friend had put his glass on his armrest and when he got up, it splashed all over the place. It was a good thing that we were outside because it was all over the place. We migrated inside to kill each other in a game. Then sparkle shirt woman knocked her drink over in my room. It was some major spillage. It wasn't bad because I don't have like, the padding stuff under carpets. Its just a thin area rug thing. It doesn't hold as much dust and junk. It came up easy, so, I felt ok about it. I did use a lot of napkins though. It was a pretty weird night. I was sad that there wasn't as many trick or treaters. Way too much candy is left over and that's not a good thing. Ahhhh, SUGAR.