Really? You need it?

Well, some wealthy investment banker just won the Mega Millions. Really? Why is he even playing the lottery? What a dick! I feel like this guy plays just so he can shove it in peoples' faces. Ha ha ha... I have a lot of money and I still win more. I just watched the news and they said that he sent three other guys to claim it for him. He likes his privacy and wants to keep his life private. What the hell is that? You can't even claim it yourself? It makes you just want to throw someone over a bridge because of how unfair it is, but what can you do... "the rich just keep getting richer." Hermain Cain is finally reconsidering his race for the white house, thank the spirits. Why did anyone think that he should be able to run this country or be able to speak for it for that matter. I'm sorry, have you seen any of the republican candidates or heard them speak about anything intelligent? No! No, you have not! So, I say you don't vote for these people, you don't pay them any mind anymore. Ron Paul is the best candidate they have but they won't vote for him because he's too in the middle for the right wings preferences. Hopefully, we'll get four more years.

Alienation

I feel like I have alienated everyone around me. I also feel like they're doing the same. Attitudes and actions have completely changed recently, some for the better. I'm glad, I'm finally moving away for a while, but I don't want to inconvenience anyone. Mainly, my mother, she's given so much and I don't want to take anymore from her. I hear a lot of excuses from people for why they're doing what they're doing and sometimes, I don't even ask. It seems as though they want to justify their situations when I talk about moving across the country. I didn't ask you why you're still living here, all I said was that, I'm moving away because I don't want to live here anymore. I'm twenty-three and I'm still living in my parents house and have never lived on my own. I believe it's about time. I need to finish this Bachelor Degree in Literature and I can't do it here. Moving to Oregon is a big decision, but I know it will be worth it for me. When I finish this degree and I end up moving back to my home town, for whatever reason it may be, I know that at least I've lived some where else for a while. I fall into the same routines here and fill my times of boredom with alcohol. I don't want that for myself. I want to make something of myself, be someone because no one in my family has ever done that. They're all comfortable with living these menial lives and I won't let that be me. I just won't! So, if I loose many of my friends and have tenuous relationships with my family, then so be it.

I thought it would be more emotional

I attended my first legal gay marriage on Saturday. I've only known them for about maybe a year now and they're the best two gay men that I know. The two of them have been together for about thirty years and who could even contend with them. I have never met any other gay men that were more inspirational than the two of them. They truly break the norm for many gay men or really the horrific stereotype that all gay men are completely promiscuous. Anyway, they got married Saturday and I thought that I would be a little more emotional about it. I mean, it was absolutely delightful to see that two men were getting married and that they were finally able to be equal. I might truly be dead inside. It might be because I was so focused upon making sure that the sound was right and that my brothers boyfriend was on par. He was having trouble with the sound and the music because he was under time constraints. Who knows what it could have been that made me not feel or maybe, it's just because I haven't known them that long. I just felt maybe for my first gay wedding, I would've been a bit more emotional. I mean, this has to do with my rights as well. We have finally gotten equal rights in New York and I could finally be married as well. Either way, I still had a great time and I was so glad that they asked me to come to the wedding since we haven't known each other for very long. Wow, listen to me talk about me; I'm so selfish. This was solely about them and their journey together now. I'm so thrilled for them!

Anyway

So, about the fiasco that was my birthday, lets discuss. I started the day thinking, "Ok, stay positive and good things will happen today. I will not be a debby downer and this birthday is going to be good." Well, that, as usual, was a complete bust and it turned out to be exactly what I expected. I think that I need to just accept the fact that I shouldn't have drug addicts as friends. Why would any one expect that a bunch of drug addicts would stop for five minutes, think about some one else, and make sure that they're getting what they deserve. Drug addicts think only of themselves, and only about when they're going to get their next fix. Also, the tension and anger that swells in an addicts brain when they can't get a fix, when they want it, well... that's a whole other story of human catastrophe. All I wanted for my birthday was to just simply go out to a bar or something, get drunk, dance a bit, and pass out later when we're spent. That is nearly impossible when every one is coming down from hard drugs and they want nothing more than more drugs or to pass out. It just makes you feel like no one cares and that they don't have the time for one day to do what you want. Every birthday has been an utter disappointment and I'm not the one that is like we're going to do this, than this, than at this time, we'll do this. I'm not the pushy, overbearing type when it's my birthday. I don't expect much just people to spend time with me, get drunk, and dance! I can care less about presents because I think it's awkward! It's too material, just good company is what a good birthday entails and some good music! Maybe, I'll find appreciative friends in Oregon... hopefully ones that aren't drug addicts!

The Wizard of Oz

This movie will forever make me happy. I don't know why, but any time that I watch this movie it makes me feel better. I get a sense that not all in the world is horrendous, ironic because this is the epitome of a fantasy world. In any case, this movie is still so joyous. I also can't deny that I'm a crazed Judy fan. A cultured gay man cannot deny Judy's wonder. She is the old Hollywood glamour... see I'm going on a rant about how magnificent she is. I'm so glad that my mother was such a fag hag and made me watch this when I was a child. I still watch this movie and I'm still enamored with the wonder, magic, and mystery that is Oz. I don't care that all the backgrounds are paper walls; It still cannot be denied as one of the best classic movies that shall not ever be redone! "follow the yellow brick road!"

In one day

It's weird that you're attitude about yourself or about your situation can change in the matter of a day. I started off in a great mood this morning and it has fallen into self deprecation. Maybe I do have a disorder or maybe it's this place. I don't want to expect anything because I know that I will get my hopes up, but I expect things in my head and they never seem to come to fruition. So what I'm saying is that I expect things I just don't verbalize them. My birthday is in six days I think and I want to have a party or a big get together, but I don't want to disappoint myself. I have the feeling that no one wants to come to my party, I mean, why would they. I'm not a good friend. I'm pretty selfish, but some people wouldn't say so. I don't know why, but they think so. I don't believe I'm a good friend so that's why I don't think anyone would want to come to my birthday. I don't want anything from anybody, I just want them to come and have a drink or two or just enjoy each others time. In fact, I hate the thought of a present. I think that a good friends company is the greatest gift. Do you see the self deprecation, I can't seem to shake it now.

I was pretty atsonished

I was rather astonished today at the giant, you can only buy in bulk, super market. I always have this propensity to analyze everyone else in the store. It's almost like I have to make up these lives for them by judging what they look like, and how they look or gaze upon me. I began to realize that almost everyone in the supermarket was morbidly obese. When I say almost everyone, I'm not counting the teenagers or the anorexic housewives thinking they're still fat from having their babies. So those people would be the almost. I've recently built this idea in my head that I'm really over weight because I had been trying to build muscle. At this point it only looks like I got fatter because that pesky muscle builds under the fat or extra skin, those bastards. The real shocker in this supermarket adventure was when we reached the check out lines. While we were on line another woman on the opposite queue pointed out that there was a dollar off coupon on the counter by the service desk. She had saw that we were buying the pumpkin spice coffee mate and asked if we had seen that coupon. I was absolutely perplexed and flabbergasted when this whole scenario happened. I was literally shocked that someone would go out of their way like that because it most always never happens in this community. These people are too busy being smug with their two season old fashions thinking that they're in and having a tude about the fact that they wear two season old designer clothes. If you catch my drift... they're that kind of people, so that whole situation was extremely out of character. I was rather surprised today. That's sad that my biggest highlight of the day was about this woman in the super market, how pathetic.

We might loose our Post Office?

When Lori Stokes said, do we really even need the post office any more? I was flabbergasted. What a moronic statement to make. How else would we be able to send things to other people. If you needed to send an item to some one, how would you do it without the post? What if we do loose the post office, what then? Would other small business people start their own shipping companies and charge what ever they wanted for shipping? Would the government monitor these items being shipped because if they were private companies, would they have the jurisdiction to monitor their shipment? These are some pretty perplexing questions to ask, what if? What if is such a horrible thing to say, it's such a pain, but truly, what if? Would you want these private companies shipping items like, oh say, babies from other countries? How about machine guns, explosives, and other "inappropriate" items? It's a touchy subject, would these private companies be better or would it result in a fascist monopoly? BUT! Wasn't the government's post office a monopoly? You weren't allowed to find an alternate way of shipping an item... without doing it yourself, all mob-ie like. Who knows, what this toppling of the post office will wrought. Well... we shouldn't have bailed out the banks because of a slew of other reasons why it wouldn't have fucked us, but would loosing our post office be detrimental to our nations security? What if, and who knows... we'll just see what happens when the outcome of the post comes to fruition.