On the fence

I've become extremely ambivalent in the past few weeks. I'm deciding on whether I should quit my job or stay and stick it out. I had such a good day at work yesterday. Well it was a really long day, eight hours are ridiculous but it wasn't horrible. I didn't want to kill myself or others. Another ambivalent decision that I've ran into is if I'm really going to go to Portland. There is always those probing questions: Have you ever been there? Do you know anyone there? Well no, I don't, but that is the point of going there to get the hell out of here. I think that people want to say these things because they're either jealous or envious or they really do want to know those pivotal questions.

Ambivalence is irritating, but I don't want to make the wrong decision. I guess that's just it, I have to weigh the options, make decisions, Oh and be prepared for the outcomes.

Yet another one

There is yet another storm tonight. I like to hear the cracking of the thunder its amazing how it can make that sound. A storm on my birthday and a storm on my friends birthday, hmm... coincidence, I think not!!!

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

What Should I Do?

I want to quit my job. I wanted so badly to take my name tag off and walk out the door on Sunday. I'm getting fed up with flaccid old ladies treating you like your less than they are and they're the ones out spending their husbands money. Hey bitch! At least I'm actually working for what I spend. Oh but then again, I don't spend money nearly as much as these women do because I get paid like a donkey's excrement. I've put a applications in two or three places but I'm not avid enough to really go and put forth the effort. I think that I'll really start doing it aggressively when I finally tell my manager that I'm quitting in two weeks. I need to at least wait till I hear about something before I do that but I don't know how much longer I can deal with this job.

Any how, school absolutely blows this semester. I'm over it already. I need to get out of that horrible school it's making me die inside. Portland in a year is where I need to be. JUST A YEAR!!!

Another Depressing Day

Yet again it was another horrible day at work. It seems like day by day I despise the job a little more. Retail isn't worth the crap money that they pay. The customers treat you like crap and the company usually expects more than what the money is worth. Also, it seems to me that many of these retailers don't have good work incentives. Usually a good incentive is when you sell a certain amount of items you should get a monetary bonus. See now when my company says they have incentives they give you a company pen when you sell a certain amount. That is a horrible, horrible bonus or incentive. To get a cheap pen that has their name plastered on the side of it is absolutely ridiculous.

I heard some rather disturbing yet hilarious news when I was at work. Apparently one day, one of my associate was walking into the fitting room to put away clothes that of course these women never buy and she walked into the nearest room. She saw that one of the customers had left all her clothes piled on the bench with the hangers all over the place. A pair of black slacks were precariously placed in the corner of the room. She lifted the pants and there laying in the corner was a large pile of feces. I can't believe that someone had the audacity to defecate in the fitting room. That is just one of the myriad crazy things that go down at my job and you see why the money isn't worth it!

The Summer Is Almost At An End!

It's August eleventh, and I don't know where the summer has gone. What's even more appalling is that I can't say that I really accomplished anything. Yes, I've read four books this summer, but I've done nothing but drink almost everyday. It's a little depressing. I've become such an alcoholic. I haven't accomplished any of the things I said I was going to do this summer and I'm not surprised. I have the most lazy, self-loathing friends out of anybody. I knew that I wasn't going to accomplish anything; and yet, I'm still upset about it.

Anyway, I'm slightly excited about going back to school. That is utterly the most scary and perplexing thing that I've ever felt. never in my life have I ever said that I wanted to go back to school. CRAZY... ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!!!!

More confusing life questions

Why is life difficult for people that don't deserve it?

I have so much love for this fantastically wonderful girl that I work with. She has gotten the rotten end of the stick and still seems to try and put a smile on her face. It makes me sad to think that all the great people in my life have such tumultuous lives. I know it might sound weird to say this, but I wish that these people could have everything they deserve and if I could give it to them I would gladly give it! This is why I wish I could win a butt load of money so that I could make the people that are so absolutely worthy of a lift, the money they need. I need a big change in my life. Hopefully money to give to people that need it in my life. I can't stand to see this poor girl suffer any more than deserves.

The thing or things that would make me completely happy and feel fulfilled is if I could give the hope that these great people are looking for. Also, my mother, that miraculous woman, she deserves so much more than I can give. I wish I could give her the money she needs to finally get away from her horrific marriage.

I know that these things would make me feel beyond what words could describe.

The same

Things are the same... the same. Nothing has changed. I do the same routine everyday and it's really daunting. With all this extra time I should be doing something... right? Well I don't know, I think I should get another job if I'm not going to be doing something productive with my free time. I wouldn't say that if I got paid appropriately, but, alas I will never be paid what I deserve at my current job. So lets see who might be hiring at the end of June, probably no one. You know I decided not to take the summer class because I thought that I might be doing some things this summer. As usual, not taking the class is biting me in the ass. See... if I had taken the class, I would've ended up having so many things going on, say like events and adventures, but now that I decided on not enrolling in the class, I have nothing. Ugh, I'm just like... Rawwwrr!!!!!!! All pent up.

Well, eh...

I've felt absolutely miserable, like pointlessly miserable. I'm always in a bad mood and perpetually feel like "what's the point?" I'm not even in the mood to write anymore.