A while

A lot happens in three months. I have moved to Portland, Oregon and at first I was apprehensive about it. I didn't know how to feel about it, it was quite the change. I was back and forth in my mind... wondering if it was right for me and only until I came back to Long Island, did I realize how much I enjoyed it. I want to go back so bad. I'm here on Long Island for a month, so before I know it, I will be going back. I attend Portland State to get my BA in English Literature and I really like the school. It is very urban and has a city feel with a very relaxed, pointer and middle finger spread mentality to it. I would say it's one of the cleanest cities I've been to, but that's not saying much, since I'm from New York. At first I didn't think it was for me, but since I've had time away from it, I've realized how much I feel alive in Oregon. I hate how Long Island makes me feel. How self conscious I get from being around these narrow minded bigots. I can't wait to return to you Portland, you're so welcoming and invigorating.

Oh wow, it's February! Seriously, where did the time go? I have about a month until I move to Oregon. I'm still absolutely terrified, but I know once I get there, everything will fall into place. I can't wait to get out of here. I've always wanted to leave this place and now, it's right around the corner. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait! I never want to come back to this place!

I don't know what life has in store for me; I just don't, but isn't that the point? We should all live like it's the last day of our lives and I'm going to try and do that more often. If you're feeling like crap, try to turn it into hope. If you don't like where you're living take the steps to move to a different place. Who knows!

Meh, Christmas Eve

I hate these pathetic family get togethers. What's really funny is that I'm writing this while sitting at the table... Ha! It's sad what's the point anymore. What's really weird is that my own friends and my brothers boyfriend is more of a loving family than my own. Thank the spirits for Jack Daniels!!!!!

I think she's read it.

I've just come to the realization that people I discuss about on here, have read this blog. I guess, I'm not surprised though, which is weird. I don't know, just weird... what??

666

Hahaha... I find it hilarious that I have six hundred sixty-six page views. Maybe, satan, is reading my blog at this point. He now has access to my blog because of his numeric gateway. It's world aids day today and I want to remember all the men and women who are fighting this battle and who've succumbed to it. We'll finally destroy this disease and no one will have to suffer ever again. It's December already and the new year is upon us. That means I only have about two and a half months until I leave for Oregon. I still can't believe that it's almost here. This year has been quite a ride. I have done so many new things, have accomplished so many things, and I'm on the precipice of starting new journeys. In retrospect, I haven't really done much with my time this year besides laying around, but a lot of things have come and gone this year. I remember saying to myself that I would never be the one to go to fire island because for some reason, I vehemently fought against the idea. I thought, I won't be another cliche gay who goes to fire island over the summer because it's supposed to be some sort of mecca. Well, I scratched that notion and went. I have to say it wasn't exactly how I thought it was going to be, but It was close. I did have a good time while I was there, so, my ignorance about it was futile. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, a gay man of twenty-two years of age, who lives on Long Island, has never gone to Fire ISland? I've made quite a year of going out to a gay bar a few times, that I wanted for myself since I turned twenty-one. Yes, I've gone out to a bar or a club, but never a gay one. It's pretty sad to think of it that way, but when you have nothing but heterosexual friends who aren't very keen on going to a gay club, you never really make it there. I've had my heart tampered with yet again; but also, had many new people expressing their interest, which is still baffling to me. I finished my sophomore year of college, which took forever, but I made it. Well... community college doesn't make your future endeavors look quite auspicious. Everyone there looks like they want to commit suicide and the teachers aren't better off in that respect. I do have to hand it to the retail industry for making it blatantly obvious that you shouldn't make a career out of it's hideously unrewarding environment. Also, being surrounded by people almost ten to fifteen years older than you, who are in that field, and they look miserable, make you get into gear real quick. It has been quite a surreal and tumultuous year, but I see the next being a set of new challenges. These new challenges will hopefully be rewarding and help me foster a newer sense of maturity.

Really? You need it?

Well, some wealthy investment banker just won the Mega Millions. Really? Why is he even playing the lottery? What a dick! I feel like this guy plays just so he can shove it in peoples' faces. Ha ha ha... I have a lot of money and I still win more. I just watched the news and they said that he sent three other guys to claim it for him. He likes his privacy and wants to keep his life private. What the hell is that? You can't even claim it yourself? It makes you just want to throw someone over a bridge because of how unfair it is, but what can you do... "the rich just keep getting richer." Hermain Cain is finally reconsidering his race for the white house, thank the spirits. Why did anyone think that he should be able to run this country or be able to speak for it for that matter. I'm sorry, have you seen any of the republican candidates or heard them speak about anything intelligent? No! No, you have not! So, I say you don't vote for these people, you don't pay them any mind anymore. Ron Paul is the best candidate they have but they won't vote for him because he's too in the middle for the right wings preferences. Hopefully, we'll get four more years.

Alienation

I feel like I have alienated everyone around me. I also feel like they're doing the same. Attitudes and actions have completely changed recently, some for the better. I'm glad, I'm finally moving away for a while, but I don't want to inconvenience anyone. Mainly, my mother, she's given so much and I don't want to take anymore from her. I hear a lot of excuses from people for why they're doing what they're doing and sometimes, I don't even ask. It seems as though they want to justify their situations when I talk about moving across the country. I didn't ask you why you're still living here, all I said was that, I'm moving away because I don't want to live here anymore. I'm twenty-three and I'm still living in my parents house and have never lived on my own. I believe it's about time. I need to finish this Bachelor Degree in Literature and I can't do it here. Moving to Oregon is a big decision, but I know it will be worth it for me. When I finish this degree and I end up moving back to my home town, for whatever reason it may be, I know that at least I've lived some where else for a while. I fall into the same routines here and fill my times of boredom with alcohol. I don't want that for myself. I want to make something of myself, be someone because no one in my family has ever done that. They're all comfortable with living these menial lives and I won't let that be me. I just won't! So, if I loose many of my friends and have tenuous relationships with my family, then so be it.