I started another blog

I started a movie blog. It's where I will give my two cents about movies I've seen, either new or old. I tend to have a different viewpoint then most people so I thought it would be fun. I just have one post as of now, but I will definitely be posting more because I have nothing better to do since I'm not employed like the millions of others out there. So check it out, theeccentricviewersmovieguide.blogspot.com

Clarity

I can't sleep. I'm watching sex and the city and it's making me feel like I don't have friends like they do. They call each other to freak out or to talk when they're depressed. Why don't I have friends like them. In other words, it's day two of being sober and it's driving me nuts. I know that it's not going to be a long lived sobriety because I have my brothers birthday fire island, pines party, shindig, thing and I know I will not be sober for that. It's nice to be around gays and it's nice to feel like you're exactly where you're supposed to be, but I don't feel like I'm one of them. I'm not a fan of the beach, gays and the beach are like cosmos in a martini glass. There is no way of getting away from those horrible stereotypes and that's a bit unfair, but so is everything else in this horrible country. I don't feel comfortable on a beach, in the sun, and surrounded by men that can scrape the moss off a rock with their abs. I just hope that, that day won't be sunny with no clouds and ninety something degree weather because then I will be looking like a glacier on a beach. I just... have never been a fan of the beach.


I feel like I can cogently sort out my thoughts. I can't sleep for shit now. I am going to be up forever because I'm not passing out from inebriation. I guess, I'm just nervous about it because I'm insecure and always feel unwanted. Oh goddess, listen to me whine about how insecure and upset with myself I am. Hmmm, maybe that's why I drink away the thoughts because I can't bare to listen to them.

P Run... the first season

So, of course I did absolutely nothing today, but just veg on the couch and watch project runway's first season. I'm watching, and I'm watching... I begin to build this utter distaste for this woman, Wendy Pepper. I mean, one, just look at the crazy in this woman's countenance and the ridiculous eye shadow that she thinks is acceptable. That alone should be a red flag to the viewer that this woman is not right. Anyway, the show continues on and the way that this woman snakes her away around every challenge makes you want to just throw something at her. I don't know why this attitude began to surface, but for some reason I began to loathe and despise this snake of a woman. I will waste no more time on this woman, I thought I would just state an opinion of this woman even though the show has been over for so long now.

So I deliberately avoided going to school to file for graduation and I don't know why I did it. So it won't be processed till next semester and I don't know why I missed it. I didn't get off the couch and go by four thirty. I believe that I'm a victim of self sabotage. I do it to myself and have no one else to blame. I just don't know why i do it to myself. I guess no one knows why they do it, it just happens. I have to apply to other schools and I'm avoiding that as well because they want essays and letters of recommendation from a teacher or a former boss. Well, one of those isn't going to happen because I don't have a boss or one that would want to write me a letter of recommendation. I just don't feel like doing anything, I really don't. Priority one is definitely getting a job a.s.a.p. Ugh, why can't I just shake this fucking laziness!!!

Life is purposefully unfair. If it wasn't, would we have the drive to be anybody? Would we be able to make the most of ourselves, push ourselves to do the things we're afraid of? What would be the reason for us to live if we weren't perpetually trying to prove life's unfair cards wrong? I look at people who kill themselves or at least attempt to do so as people who don't understand this paradox. They're a lot of people who can't handle the unfair or that they get more than most people deserve. I guess I'm just saying that I understand why someone would want to end their life because their life was too unfair to bare.

Strange and yet, enjoyable!

It was certainly a wild weekend, to say the very least. I'll start with entering a world where inhibitions are left at the front door. I'm not saying that it's anything insanely classless, but I'm saying that's probably why the environment works so well. It's good to have a drink, dance, and have people watch you. Although some people stare at you with that creeper look, it's still great to dance with great people. Well let me get to the great people. There are two people that dance the night away and show no signs of giving in to fatigue. They're older men, probably in their late forties, they dance and move better than I do. They're a lot of fun, but I was getting hit on by this really creepy ginger. I knew that it was going to come back and bite me in the ass because I always make fun of gingers. I always say that they don't have souls and you shouldn't look them in the eyes. Anyway, the guy was quite a creeper and I had to get my brother to get him to go away. It was so funny, I kind of just ran outside and hoped that he didn't smoke. Of course, I was wrong and he came outside. That is when I had to get the brother to get him away. I'm such a Mary. I had a good time regardless of the fact. Oh, and I love how my brother thought I couldn't handle drinking all night. Hello, I am a bit of a premature alcoholic. The whole experience was like stepping into another reality. I didn't feel apart of the world where I had to go to work or do school work. I can see why my brother likes to be there. It's like my soul wasn't be sucked alive by the stress and expectations of society or my immediate family. I bet that's how he feels about it, hmmm, I should ask him. Wow, I need to move out of my house so I can finally breathe.

Whitney Houston - I Wanna Dance With Somebody

I love you... and this song always puts me in a good mood!

Wow, once again!

I keep steering so far away from writing. I'm not inspired to write anymore because I'm so worn out from all the bullshit around me. I have a horrible job that doesn't pay me well enough, a school that I can't stand going to anymore, and a quixotic obsession with trying to get to Portland, Oregon. People are really fucking stupid! (Oh my god, someones name is clit) I need to stay in a hotel for a few days and just write. I think locking myself away for a while in a hotel, writing, would be good for my sanity. I think it would be really liberating. I need to just finish Nassau, take some time to write and collect the necessary credentials for getting the hell off this Island. (People are wrestling in horseshit!! WTF!) I can't wait, I can't wait! Oh shit, I have to finish my work for this bullshit class that is teaching me nothing, bye!