Well, eh...

I've felt absolutely miserable, like pointlessly miserable. I'm always in a bad mood and perpetually feel like "what's the point?" I'm not even in the mood to write anymore.

Is happiness in the workplace fugacious?

A rather perplexing question was presented to me today when I was in class. Why do we continue to go to a job that we despise? If you hate your job why don't you just quit and find a job that you enjoy? It wasn't an easy question to answer for many of the people in my class. I think it's just simply this: that you have to make some kind of money for you to enjoy it or not. What I think that my professor was trying to get at was if thats the case why not find another job that will be more enjoyable. Well at this point it's so hard to find a job opening any where. Also, I think I'm afraid to try another job because I think I might end up hating it even more than the one I have now. Also, I'm kind of torn in two, on one hand is how much I love working with all the people I work with and the other hand is how much I dislike the pay and the customers. Even though the second hand has two instances, they weigh as evenly as the one on the other hand. I know that if I don't see a raise after the next quarter as they say, then I will definitely be finding myself another job no matter how much I love the people I work with. In retrospect, I guess it does come down to money no matter what. As much as I love the women I work with, I know that we will always have time to see each other outside of the work place, if we're that close. So yes, it does come down to money and how much it means to your situation. So if you aren't making the money necessary to live comfortably then thats when you decide you should jump ship. It's weird that I'm only making this connection now and couldn't for the life of me answer that question in class. It's weird, I truly do need time to talk to myself and figure out what my real answer is about things then what I believe to be the answer in the moment. I don't think there will be an answer that applies to the general public but, I think it's up to you to decide whether the job is worth the misery... or not?

The trouble with being wise beyond your years...

It's really funny when people have such tumultuous animosity toward each other. I laugh because for me, when I have something bothering me about a person, I let them know. There is two women that I work with that are some what in a fight. I say some what because one of them doesn't know. One manager is really upset because another manager has come in and is now above the other, status wise. I understand why she is so upset. If I busted my ass to get a status and then have someone from another store come in and subvert me, I'd be upset. The problem is that I would say something not just be irate behind their back. It would be different if these people were like teenagers but they're grown women, it's just sad.

Anyway, I have a week off from school and I think I'm going to loose my mind. I guess it gives me a lot of time to catch up on writing and reading but, I have reading and work to do for classes when I get back. So, I'll probably get a leg up on that work before the end of the week so that I'm not rushing at the end.

In other words... I'm just really bored with life. It's so uneventful!

I so need another job!

I get frustrated

I overreact some times because I feel like I should be doing the things comparatively to what others are doing. I seem to lash out at my friends and get overwhelmed due to this fact. I'm never the person to be doing the same things as others so why do I feel like I have to... This needs to change because it's only making me miserable. I should be secure in what I'm doing and just have fun with the people I'm with, no matter what we're doing! Let's see if I can attempt this...

T.V.

Well... what can I say about T.V. It's enticing and grotesque at the same time. You never learn anything important unless your watching the news which most people don't do. I mean, I've gotten to the point where I'm so disappointed with society. They never speak about anything important on the news, never any real news for that matter. It's all censored by the government so that we never truly know what's going on with our world. If they ever gave you real information about the occupation in Iraq, many people would be against it. It's scary some times when you sit back and realize how corrupt the world is. Also, I think that all underfunded commercials just take the "We think your slow route." They over act and when they're saying something important about the product they get louder and move in closer to the camera as if your not sitting close enough to the T.V. Also, there are many T.V. shows that exacerbate every stereotype imaginable, to be funny, but these jokes only further these stereotypes. These shows are so enthralling that you can't seem to pull your eyes away from the screen.

Wow... see I just got sucked in for a few minutes. It's horrific! I really should stop watching T.V. that doesn't teach you anything. I like watching nature shows because they show you animals killing each other and it's OK because that's nature. At the same time, they're teaching you something about the animals and their daily lives; though, I don't get any of those channels because cable-vision is grotesquely capitalistic!

A poem of some kind

Metal dragged across your skin
red falls upon your feet
water burns your face
darkness enshrouds your mind
you collapse upon all of it,
in the sanguine puddle of your soul.

Why do we feel it's necessary!!!

I was just out with two of my friends. We used to call ourselves the movie trio: Spongebob (myself), Patrick (Mari), and Mr. Krabs (x-tina). We used to sneak into movie theater's when we were fourteen, fifteen. We went out tonight to a bar within the town called McBrides. We went there because my friend Kay was going there so we went to meet her. It was like most of the bars in my neighborhood, a heterosexual douche-fest. Anyway, we had a few drinks and spoke about our lives at the moment. Also, we joked about things that pertained to what was happening in the moment. What's really sad though is that people have to go out to a bar or club and hang out with their own friends and pay for overpriced drinks. I don't see why people get so upset when they just hang out in their homes and pay half as much to get even more messed up. "I like going out, just to feel social even if I don't really do anything." It's just really sad that we as a people feel as though we have to go out to a shabby bar to feel like we have a life. To be able to say to other people, I went to the bar last night, yea, it was OK, I had a good time! What is that? It's sad, it really is! But yet, I haven't really gone to a gay bar or club so I don't know if its the same feeling. Maybe, it's just the fact that I keep ending up going to straight fests, every time!!!!!!!!

Its been a while!

I haven't written in a while, and I'm not too happy about it. So many things have come to my attention and they're quite unnerving. I have recently found out that a sweet, fantastic human being has gotten horrible news. Her mother is dying and I was absolutely floored. Its so hard... life, life is so hard! Why can't it be easier? Why can't things work out for the best for us and why do we have to have such horrendous things happen to us? It's just hard and I can't really make any judgment upon this until life makes sense, OK.