Awkwardness

time:11:12pm

place: Side of my house

Well I have come into a lot of confusing situations lately. Many of my friends think that they have to be awkward because they have relationships in their lives. I think its pretty childish to think that way. I don't know, I think that its really stupid to feel that way. I mean, was I ever having sex with you, that you make it seem like it should be awkward. I don't know why people can't just be mature about these things like come on now, we're how old? Yeah it's all well and good to have someone in your life that you love but seriously. Whatever, Whatever, there has been some great people in my life that put some really good insight into things. I would like to take the time to say that their great, even mother's.

To the people that are acting hella crazy, You know who you are and you need to grow a pair. I need to keep the ones that make a positive difference and the ones that don't its your life your fucking up. I thank you, sparkled shirt woman, your fantastic. I hope that you will get my T-shirt reference.

It's just pointless

time: 12:52pm

place: kitchen


It's just pointless to beat myself up for the nonfeasance in my life. I constantly rip myself apart inside because I haven't accomplished what I thought I would have by now. My book is still on chapter ten and I haven't done anything to it since. Just ten chapters, hmmm, maybe I will sit down today and write some more? I don't know. I just really need to find something that will keep me busy because I'm going stir crazy, even though I'm in school. When I get home from class, any work that is assigned I usually get it done right then. It's baffling to me, I never used to be like that. So I guess, maybe, that's why I feel so bored. I never have anything to do other than that. I have been trying to get a part time job, but, that's not going so well.
I've been hearing some good things about that scream park in bayshore, I believe. I'm not too sure of the location but I heard it was good. I was wondering if I was going to go check that out. My friend told me that it was like forty bucks to get in, so I don't know, It could be worth it? I want to do some kind of Halloween thing this year. I remember a few years ago I went to a haunted house out east, it scared the shit out of me. I'm not a very good "jump out of the shadows" kind of a person. I'm pretty jumpy. I'm just sick of doing the same mediocre crap everyday. I mean you don't have to spend any money to have fun, they're plenty of places that you don't have to pay for. Most of the time, I think when you do spend money it ends up not being that fun, depending on what your doing. We have a park that we can go walking through because I haven't done that in forever. Seriously walking through it, not just making a small circle.
Oh my god, I haven't been to Hicks, in forever. That ghosty guy is probably in that walk through thing. They always have such great decoration things, and like out door living things. I love that place I would like to go there before the end of October or the end of the year. So if anyone wants to go, hit me up and we will go. That place is awesome. I'm doing some thing today, woo, crazy ideas running through my mind!

Younger people

time: 12:47pm

place: Kitchen

Its funny when I look at kids that are younger than I am. It's pretty funny actually. Even people that are my exact age are pretty immature. They just don't look at things in a mature manner, I guess. Things are funny to them that certainly shouldn't be funny. I guess, they just don't care about responsibility. What I hear a lot is: "It's my life, I'm just having fun." I mean, there's a difference between having fun and being stupid. Driving recklessly or driving under the influence is definitely a lot of fun. You may think that your invincible and that you can't get hurt but it's about the other people on the road. It doesn't even have to be someone that is driving necessarily, it could be someone crossing the street. The majority of the time its when someone else dies or gets injured, that's definitely so much more tumultuous than dying yourself. Then you only have yourself to blame, but, You probably couldn't blame yourself. The only person that got hurt in your stupidity would have been you, so it wouldn't have been so bad.

It's hard to try and tell someone that what there doing is wrong or destructive, but, they're not going to listen unless they make the mistake for themselves. Only then will they truly perk up and listen to the truth. You can yell and scream all you want, but its only going to waste your own energy. It's like breathing into a lifeless body; The only thing that's happening is, that your getting winded.

Some times I wish that I could be a little more loosey goosey, but they're somethings that are just not funny. I guess I'm too serious with life. My childhood died a long time ago. Ewww, that's depressing, I'm just not an idiot. Humph.

That's not good

time: 11:30pm

place: Kitchen

Well the economy isn't good. Apparently we might be looking at a world recession. That's fantastic. I'm so sick of hearing all this shit, So are a lot of people. People don't want to hear this anymore because it's just the same day after day. People are more stressed out and scared than ever before. Yes, we need to keep our ears open and pay attention to the news but definitely take some time for yourself. I meditate outside and I find it very relaxing, so whatever suits you.

Hmmm, Im bored. Something will happen that I have to discuss about so I will be back today. peace

Healthcare

time: 12:10pm

place: Kitchen

I was watching this weird documentary in women studies today. It spoke of the facts about health care for women. I was really flabbergasted when I heard some of the realities when it comes to women and the health care. If your an unwed mother, your sixty percent less likely to get paid paternity leave. Also America is one of the only countries that doesn't give paid sick days, beside the allotted days of leave you have with your employer.
In the seventies, President Nixon vetoed a bill for universal health care when both houses wanted to pass it. I say, look at the republicans, look what they have done for this country, absolutely nothing. We could have had universal health care by now and all we have are the same problems since then, If not more. I was a little appalled when I sat and watched this movie; I couldn't believe that this was the case. There's a lot of discrimination when it comes to unwed mothers and their children. Also I was gobsmacked when I heard that it wasn't illegal to discriminate against an unwed mother when it came to hiring. I mean, I'm not too sure if what they're saying is valid but I sure as hell hope not.
If you want to look up more facts and information please try: momsrising.org
factcheck.org

This is some hella crazy shizzzzzz. You can also fact check the candidates on what they're saying in debates with fact check. It's a non sided website just for the facts.

The Real Question

Time: 3:59

Place: Basement

   I think the real question, the most important question you have to ask yourself is, is it worth it? When you wake up in the morning and  continue to go about each day, is it worth it? Are your values and morals worth fighting over? Is it worth your energy to stand behind those views, or should you drop them by your side simply for the sake of another? These questions have made me wonder lately, is what I'm doing worth the stress and anguish? I say yes, I say if you don't stand by what you believe in then what the hell is the point of having any opinion. 

People have been telling me that I shouldn't have to question those things, especially now. I'm not saying that I'm going to change these morals at this point; At this point I don't believe that they should be changed, so I won't.

I recently had a very interesting and enlightening night with my good friend. We were discussing what we each wanted out of life at this point, what we both wanted to be doing in life right now. We both were where we wanted to be but we both wanted something more out of our free time. College has it's moments when you decide, yes this is exactly what I want to be doing. Then your like, yes, awesome, now I want to go and have some fun. You call some of your friends to see if they want to do something. They reply with a yeah, but what is there to do? I don't know, something, you say because your getting a little annoyed with the constant indecision. My friends and I end up sitting around in some one's house. We stare at each others retarded faces, playing the same games in an over excessive manner. This is what happens when we try and do something other than sitting around doing absolutely nothing. We end up doing exactly what I didn't want, nothing.

I hope that everyone else is happy with this, because I'm not. So I say that I'm going to make my own fun, anyway I can.   *Wink, Wink*

It's hard

Time: 7:33

Place: My room

Yeah, of course life isn't easy. Constantly day after day it seems like you have to fend off everything, so that your not thrown to the gutter. Its hard sometimes and some days things can look up. You shouldn't subvert the people that are there for you. The ones that can lend an ear, ones that would give you a hand when you give up being too proud. Things are hard and your allowed to ask for help. I've had enough of this and I don't want to talk about it anymore. I've had enough with caring about other people's mediocre problems and it's time for me to move on.

I understand now

Date:October 1, 2008

Time: 11:05

Place: My room

I think I understand more. When you hang out with people that never once pretended to be someone their not, puts things in perspective. They say what their thinking, no matter how you feel on the situation. They also tell you everything they believe in, even when you don't think the same. They simply just are being themselves and want nothing more than you just to accept them for who they are.

Then you look at everyone else you chill with and you can't say the same. They make comments sometimes on things you want to hear, when you know that's something they would never say. They act like a different person when their's someone who doesn't hang out with you on a normal basis. They pretend to be someone their not because they hate or are afraid of who they are. It's terrible to think that the people you are friends with are these people, because that's what you have tried to not have in friends. It's pathetic!!

Of course there's the people that are completely fake to a fucking T. They'll immerse themselves into something so " gung ho like", without thinking of course, realize how dumb their decisions are and then turn around and say, " oh my god, that was crazy, I'm going to do it different next time." Then they end up doing the same thing again and act like they never did it in the first place. The one thing that irratates me the most is hipocrytes.( I don't know if I spelt that right cause I can't spell check on my sidekick, it looks weird.)

Its sad I wish people were real and weren't such fucking fake ass bitches. " I'm so spiritual now" give me a fucking break.